Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: beavers, civil war, college, ducks, family, fans, football, mascots, Oregon, Rose Bowl, uniersity
I’m a duck. Not the kind that quacks. OK, I’m more like a duck fan…..I was born in the place where The Ducks rule the town. If you’re not familiar with Oregon then you probably think I’ve lost my mind. I haven’t, I just find it hilarious that I live in a state where the two largest universities have mascots that are either a duck or a beaver. Those are not very imposing figures when it comes to sports teams!
The Bears, the Devils, the Lions…..those are mascots that are a whole lot more imposing than a duck. Yet living in Oregon, in the Fall during football season and attending the UofO football games, the mascot just makes sense! After all, there is very wet weather here and it’s perfect, if you’re a duck.
This Saturday, November 30th marks the 114th annual “Civil War” football game between the UofO Ducks (sometimes called The Fighting Ducks) and the OSU Beavers (a.k.a. The Beavs). This is one of the oldest rivalries in college football. It also happens to be a bit of a rivalry in my family and my neighborhood!
My brother graduated from OSU a few years ago and I believe that he was the first member of our family to have attended the school. My dad and grandfather both attended UofO. Brother Ryan’s smack talk about his Beavs has created a bit of animosity with me but my dad and MFH are less sensitive than I am and they’re having fun. There is also a very clear line of delineation in my neighborhood and I think that it’s a sad fact that more of my neighbors fly college flags than the American flag!!
Tomorrow’s game should prove to be a great match up, these two teams are very strong. A Beaver win could send them to the Rose Bowl for the first time in 40 years. In a way it would be nice to see to them win for that reason only. Then I remember that about 8 years ago the Ducks had the chance to go to the Rose Bowl and the deciding game was the Civil War……which the Ducks lost, smashing their Rose Bowl hopes. Can you say revenge??
So tomorrow we will don our green and yellow shirts, obnoxious pom-poms and our even more obnoxious duck bill quacker noise makers and cheer on the Mighty Fighting Ducks (because we need as many imposing adjectives as we can get)!! Let the game begin!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: friends, funny, humorous, joke, thankful, thanks, Thanksgiving
Well, what else am I suppose to write about the day before “Eat Till You Puke” day? So here it goes:
I am thankful for…………
- My best girlfriends, who all hate the same assholes that I do; those are true friends!
- Sweat pants with adjustable waist bands, which I’ll be wearing tomorrow.
- My wonderful children because without them I would have no one to live vicariously through.
- My hair stylist. Whether you like the cut or not is not important…..she’s a miracle worker with the color, which covers the grey created by the last item that I’m thankful for!
- Benzoyle Peroxide and Retinol, which have saved my complexion and help keep me looking young (that would be in my humble opinion of course)
- My therapist, nuf said.
- MFH (My Fabulous Husband), who is so fun to laugh at…….I mean laugh WITH!
- The fact that Thanksgiving is only one day out of the whole year because if there was more than one a year I would weigh about 350lbs!
For all of these things and more I feel truly blessed and give thanks; and to all who took the time the read this: HAPPY THANKSGIVING and don’t forget…..elastic is your friend!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: children, danger, kids, news story, parenting, stranger
Last night was not my proudest moment but I suppose that if the story made even one parent stop and think about reminding their kids not to answer the door to a stranger then I guess, in a weird way that I did something good for society. Who cares that it made me look like an idiot, right?! Okay, so I took one for the team!
(Hint: Click on the highlighted “Story” in the paragraph to see the “Stranger Danger” story)
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: brag, celebration, Christmas, decorations, envy, homeowners, lights, neighbors
Please do not misinterpret this post but I have a problem: Why do people insist on turning on their exterior Christmas lights before Thanksgiving? Being prepared is one thing but do they have to actually turn the lights on?
It’s bad enough that every year the stores put up decorations and lights a week earlier, pretty soon we’ll hear jingle bells in July! But when homeowners do it it’s like they’re embracing this bad behavior and it’s irritating.
I love Christmas but it defeats the specialness of it to have it last longer than the month of December. That’s as obnoxious as the people who take an entire month to celebrate their birthday….it’s one day people, celebrate and move on. But we have to take the birth of Jesus and make it last all of December and most of November nowadays. Yes, I know that he’s the Messiah and that there was preparation for his coming and that’s typically why we celebrate all month long, I get that. AND I’m going to spare you the “it’s overly commercialized” because that’s a given. My problem is specific, it’s the lights!
In a time when the economy is in the toilet, is such decadence as Christmas lights even necessary? (Don’t even get me started on how we cut down and kill trees in celebration) AND aren’t we trying to “go green” and not waste the energy associated with the electrical usage that Christmas lights require? Bah, humbug!
I look at it as a bit “in your face” for people to turn on their lights early. Kind of like they’re bragging. They’ve got their lights up and are way more prepared than anyone else and they want everyone to know it! I actually have a neighbor that pays a service to put up their house lights every year. The service was out there two weeks ago, and my response was “You have got to be kidding me!” However, these people are tactful enough to not turn the lights on yet. If they’re reading this, I would like to say on behalf of the neighborhood, Thank You!
What it really boils down to is envy. That’s right, I’m jealous of the fact that a few of my neighbors chose to take advantage of the beautiful weather this past weekend and put up their Christmas decorations and lights and we didn’t. Nope, the day we finally get our shit together will be the crappiest coldest, wettest day on record but we will not be outdone, the lights will go up……eventually!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: attitudes, insecurity, parents, talk, teenagers, teens
I just spent three hours with three wonderful teenage girls and I have a few questions:
- Why do they talk so fast? I cannot understand them half of the time because they are talking so fast that they are slurring their words and sometimes they stutter to get it out so fast….amazing.
- How come every other word out of their mouth is “like”? I think that if they would slow down that they wouldn’t need the filler word like “like” all the time. (uh oh, a double like….now I’m doing it!)
- Why do they all have to talk at the same time? Is any one girl saying something that is so important that they can’t wait their turn? Trust me the answer to that question is NO!
- Why are they so insecure? We were going door-to-door on a food drive through a neighborhood. I was driving, they were door knocking. I told them to go to separate houses each, spread out. They all gave me puppy dog eyes because they all had to go together!! It took three times as long, THREE times!!
- Why, whenever they see someone they know, must they roll down the window and scream that person’s name? This is why window locks were invented…..well maybe it wasn’t the first reason but they work……when the window is actually locked (that’s a mental note to me to lock them!)
- Why do teenagers sneakers attract dog shit like a magnet? That’s right, dog do-do was tracked into my car. I gagged the whole way home.
I couldn’t get out of that middle school fast enough! After we delivered the food to the auditorium and tallied up the cans (it was a contest) I was gone like a shot! But the entire trip home I couldn’t help but wonder: Was I just like them at that age? Is it possible that I was that annoying to my parents? Was I ever that insecure? I know that the answers are all yes and then I remember that my parents never participated in these types of events, probably for this very reason: There’s not enough aspirin in the world for the migraine that develops!
Then I think: That’s okay, God willing, someday they’ll have teenagers too. (Evil laugh!)
The definition of torture is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Okay, maybe this isn’t the definition for most people. It’s just the definition for those of us surrounded by people that we hope someday, somehow will actually give us a result different than what we have come to expect. But then why, after receiving the same results time after time do we expect something different? Because we hope and wish for something different, but we receive the same results……only to be tortured by those unrealistic expectations. And thus proving that we, in fact, have no one to blame but ourselves for our twisted reality.
Yikes, where did that come from?
As a Realtorin this volatile market set in economic uncertainty and unrest, I can honestly say that I have been playing the “torture” scenario over and over in my mind, and I have no choice. Many of my clients are in a bad place right now. It’s horribly unfortunate that I have clients in compromising positions that are now playing the role of victims, when in all reality and when I analyze their situation they are really not victims of anything but circumstance…….and aren’t we all? It’s how we deal with those circumstances that make us the survivors that we canbecome, or the victims that succumb.
I get so tired of listening to people who think that they have no choice, we all do!
Choices. They range in dimension beginninng with “Will I get out of bed today?” and ending with ”Will I get off of this couch and go to bed?”. Daily, the choices that we make impact the lives of the people around us. I personally chose at least 4 times yesterday to NOT run over people that crossed the street in front of my car. I also chose to go to work, feed my family, clean my home and do my laundry! I now choose to book a vacation……although I may choose to work harder so that I have spending money while I’m on vacation! Wow, all of these choices are exhausting!
Why are some people better equipped to make better choices? Why are some of us able to adapt and mold ourselves to our surroundings? And why are others incapable of this, choosing instead to run on the treadmill of life, going nowhere? I don’t get it……and if my smartass brother leaves me a comment on how it’s all about how kids grow up and who gets what lego set at 5 vs. who gets nothing at 12 I’m not going to be happy 
Honestly people, when you get to a certain age you have to throw the excuses out of the window…….speaking if which, I once chose to throw a computer out of a window while I was going through my divorce, those were good times!
Now, CHOOSE to make it a great day!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: change, clean, dirty, messy, neat, tidy
I’m not sure what has happened to me. One day I was a complete OCD neat-freak and the next I was normal….and what does normal mean? Messy? Some what tidy? Mostly “picked up”? Who judges these things??
Mother’s, they are the judges. I come from a LONG line of neat freaks and I’ve been told that my Germanic ancestry makes it worse.ALSO, my family would totally disagree with calling me a neat freak…..that’s what humongous neat freaks they are! OH, and friends, they judge too (whether they care to admit it or not, they do!). AND anyone who steps foot in your home…..and God forbid they stop by unannounced!!
Wow, reading what I just wrote actually stresses me out, badly! I’m telling you, I used to be that person in the paragraph above, RSG can testify to it! Friends used to comment on how every time they came over my home it was perfect; clean, picked up, nothing out of place. BUT, what they didn’t know was that the drawers and the cabinets and the closets were as unorganized and untidy as you could ever imagine. Let’s analyze that shall we?
It doesn’t take a therapist to figure this out. Does Bree Van deCamp ring a bell (although I’m sure that her closets are perfect, her life is not)? If you’re not familiar with Desperate Housewives then you must live under a rock. Suffice it to say I can identify with her character. In my former married life I was horribly frustrated. As Dr. Laura would say, “[I] chose wrong!” (something MFH is constantly reminding me of). Dumbass was the opposite of neat, and worse, he pretty much expected me to pick up after him and because I did he continued to leave me messes. In a strange way I guess it validated my existence in the household. My #1 function was to clean up after him (and the kids of course), it was how I had any control over my home and my life……God knew he wasn’t going to change. The change that came about in me was due to my going back to work and having to hire a housekeeper.
For a variety of reasons that marriage failed. Today, after years of therapy, entering into a new relationship with MFH and analysis from a multitude of friends I can honestly say that I accept not one ounce of blame for that failure ! I will also say that this was not the only reason for the failed marriage……this was the tip of very LARGE ice burg…….and that’s for another day!
People change over time, I guess it’s called maturing. I am still considered tidy by most (BFF J called while I was writing this and said that I’m still a neat freak but her husband is deathly allergic to my cats and so she never comes around much and that makes her a poor judge!!) but in all reality it’s nothing compared to the dark days, I’ve left those behind me.
Today I’m lucky if my bed gets made, you’ll more than likely find a dish or two in my kitchen sink, my home office is an unorganized disaster and cat hair dust bunnies are forming as we speak, but I’m happy! In general my home is clean but clean does not rule my world. Something else wonderful has happened too, I have stopped caring about being judged by others regarding my neatness. If they don’t like the way I keep my house, they don’t have to come over…..we can meet at a coffee shop instead…..or better yet, I’ll go to their house and then I’ll be the judge!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Christianity, commandments, crazy, honor, humor, mom, mother
Last weekend FD, FS & I all attended church. MFH wasn’t feeling good and stayed home, or maybe that was just an excuse to skip church, you decide. We’re your average protestant family, we attend church about twice a month but always make it a priority to force it on the kids through confirmation classes!
So at the service the confirmants in FD’s class all had to memorize and recite the 10 Commandments. There are 5 kids in her class so each kid took 2 commandments, recited them and then explained them. In addition, the pastor used this as his sermon lesson for the day. It was pretty impressive, the kids did awesome!
But that’s not what this story is really about…..I just wanted to brag! No actually this is sort of about the commandment that says “Thou shalt honor they mother and thy father”. I’m not telling this story in an effort to get all preachy, I’m actually laying out the foundation of issues with my mother.
My mother is nuts. We call her CAM, Crazy Ass Mother. That’s not exactly what I would call “honoring” but I think I’m ok. I’ve pretty much fallen short on all of the commandments at some time or another (although I’m not a murderer or an adulterer) but I’m told that I’m forgiven so I’m good! Anyway, I don’t really talk to CAM anymore. I removed her from my life about 4 years ago, for good this time. There were other times that I tried to stay away but she kept pulling me back in. She really is truly messed up but I hope the best for her (and those around her) but I just cannot have her in my life, it’s a recipe for disaster……a pinch of grandiosity with a dash of boundrylessness (something my therapist put in my head).
CAM has always been a bit controlling and I’m sure that most of us would say something like that about our mom, that’s what they do. But her controlling behavior reached a new height when she found the Lord. Please don’t misunderstand! I think it’s great when anyone finds Jesus it’s just that SOME people become holier than thou, and that’s what happened in this case.
The last few times that I have had the misfortune of hearing from CAM it was to inform me and the kids (with a postcard) that she was in NY, attempting to convert the Jews or (by letter) asking us for a donation in her name so that she could go on a mission trip to India to save the Lost Tribe of Menashe (and I only remember the name of the tribe because there is a law firm here in town and Albert Menashe is the lead Partner!! LOL).
The last time that I actually saw her was about 2 years ago when MFH took me to visit my Gramma (not my crazy one) while she was recovering in a nursing home after a fall. When we got there we weren’t expecting CAM to be there also, that was a bonus. MFH had never met her before but had heard stories. The visit started out very nicely and CAM was making ME look like the crazy one…..she was on her best behavior, dammit! But it wasn’t long before the crazy came out and I felt redemption coming my way. She started questioning MFH about his salvation, his beliefs, his Savior etc……she even had the nerve to hand us some mini brochures about how we could find Jesus. My response: “Found him already, thanks!” Needless to say I was more than a little embarassed but MFH got the education that reinforced the decision to keep CAM out of our lives.
I have finally come to terms with my Christian guilt regarding the honoring of my mother. I think that the best way to “honor” her is to keep her away. God knows that if I let her back into my life she would make me crazy and I would probably end up breaking another commandment…….the REALLY bad one!
In an effort to cut down on my business expenses I have recently moved my office back into my home. As a Realtor with several listings I really felt as though having an office outside of my home was a luxury and although I am selling now, I’m just not comfortable with where I see our market going. Many of my clients are in a very unfortunate financial bind and I believe that my expenses for my business are better used servicing my sellers via marketing services.
With that said there are some unfortunate distractions that come with a home office. Some are obvious, like having kids at home, finding laundry or house cleaning that needs to be done, blogging But the distraction that traps me the most is the television. Worse than that, it’s the 24hour a day news channels. All of them, I flip around. When I’m not at home I listen to the same news channels on XM stereo in my car. I have a problem and I know it!
What I really love is when they have someone that comes on and tells us how horrible the economy is, and then they have another person that tells us how we’re doing fine, and that we should stop holding onto our money and spend!! I’m becoming schizophrenic and I’m blaming the news channels!
But wait, before I hire my attorney to file a lawsuit siting “24hour News Channel Schizophrenia” I have decided to share some ideas that may help you and your family get through this “potentially” difficult economic time. If you have any suggestions, I would love for you to share them too, please comment!
- Lower your dining expenses by joining the Elks! If you have never been to an Elks Club you should try it. Most locations offer a nice menu at a low price and with the smoking ban going into effect in January (in Oregon) it makes the environment more tolerable. AND, cheap drinks, need I say more?
- Share the clothes off your back! I have a closet full of clothes that for one reason or another I don’t wear. Find a friend that is the same relative size as you and trade those clothes for the ones that they don’t wear. No brainer!
- Sell your crap. Craigslist is still free in Portland and E-bay is still reasonable. How much stuff do you have in your attic and closets that you will never need or use? I have a lot and when I think about the possibility of having to get a part-time job I think about how much time I could spend selling items that I don’t need or use…..tax free…..that’s a part-time job!
- If you do need to get a job, join some form of law enforcement or security. According to the 24hour News Channels crime is up, gangs are everywhere, there’s pirates off of our shores and there are illegals in our prisons. AND all of the so-called experts are predicting that it will only get worse!
I hope that you find these suggestions helpful! Although I am being somewhat tongue and cheek I have no doubt that the implementation of these ideas could save your family money during these hard times. Oh, I gotta go, the 24hour News Channel is now doing a story on how blogging can be detrimental to your health 
MFH has a new hobby, and it’s going to get me killed! He has taken to collecting flags, and not just any flags, these are special.
Before I explain further, I must tell you that MFH has some personality traits that make this story amusing. Since I know that he reads this every once in a while I will try very hard to not hurt his feelings by defining one of these traits as “cheap”…..nope, he’s not that. He’s just thrifty, which in all reality is why we are very fortunate to be financially sound in this crappy economy! In addition to thrifty he is also crazy, and you’ll probably agree after I tell you this story.
MFH and I love to tailgate at the University of Oregon Duck football games. This was our first year with season tickets and we have had a lot of fun! Prior to leaving for the first game day of the season we visited our local sporting goods store to get all “ducked out”. We bought hats, car decals, t-shirts and a flag. You may have seen these flags before: you roll down the window, clip it to the glass then roll the window back up. They fly in the wind and are a true showing of school spirit. If you don’t have at least one, you’re not a real fan!
The first couple of times that we drove to a game were uneventful. Every so often MFH would notice a flag on the side of the road and would comment “Oh that’s too bad. Someone lost their flag.” and I would respond with “Some dumbass must have rolled the window down doing 65 MPH. That’s not too bad, that’s hilarious!” MFH would also remind me how much those flags cost and that it was such a waste that the ill-fated flag should be left fraying on the freeway.
Then it happened. On the game day drive home one late afternoon MFH spotted a flag on the side of the road. “Flag Down!!” he yelled……..startling the ever living shit out of me!! He pulled off to the side of the freeway (I think that we had been going around 80), came to a screeching halt, threw the clutch in reverse and backed up all the way to where the flag lay waiting. I was not amused, in fact, I was pissed! That was incredibly dangerous and ridiculous. Upon retrieving the flag he announced “This is a good one, practically brand new!”
Yeah, that was worth it……I don’t think so! I was ghost white and all he could say was “What?”. When I finally regained my voice the words that came out next weren’t something that I care to repeat. Suffice it to say I asked him to swear that he would never do that again, but he refused. He told me I was being silly, that we were fine and then he reminded me that he is a very safe driver…..this may have all been true however it did little to calm my nerves and would not erase the stains in my drawers (sorry to be so gross!).
So that’s when it began, MFH’s new hobby. After that first initial grab he made “flag finding” not only a hobby, but an obsession. I know he would argue this fact but I have been with him on non-game days on the freeway and he will still announce “Flag Down!!”, and all I can do now is brace myself for landing and hope AND pray that we don’t get hit by another car!!
Most recently he’s expanded his hobby: he is now locating downed flags from the OSU Beavers and he’s created a point system to grade the actual condition of the found flag. A 5 would be a new or barely used flag and a 1 has a broken “pole” and is tattered. To date MFH has amassed a collection of 9 flags, but only 3 are 5’s.
If these flags cost between $15-$20 and he’s found only a few really good ones and a few tattered then the net worth of his collection may total around $100. That’s got to be worth a few harsh words and your wife’s sanity, right? I’ll be driving to and from the games next year!
