Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bike, bruise, clumsy, fall, funny, humor, hurt, husband, Jupiter, kids, lazy, trash, Uranus
Last Friday morning I took a pretty bad fall……because I’m klutzy and that’s what I do!
I had just returned from my early morning walk and noticed that FS never took the trash out to the curb the night before. This is his chore, every Thursday, and he knows this, but he’s lazy! It was still pretty dark out and I wasn’t paying attention as I backed out the trash can and as I was backing up I tripped over FS’s bike which was lying on the driveway, which isn’t suppose to be lying on the driveway, which he knows, but he’s lazy!! Strike 2.
As I began to go down I attempted to steady myself with the trash can which was a really stupid idea because it has wheels and that really only proved to make matters worse bacause it ended up coming down with me and landed on top of me, with me landing on top of the bike.
I have failed to mention what type of bike I’m talking about. This bike is a dirt bike, it has pegs coming out of the middle of the wheels, one on each side (just like the pegs on the bike that Napoleon Dynamite had on his bike when Pedro rode the pegs, remember?). These are very strong steel pegs that stick out about 4 inches off of the wheel and when the bike is on the ground, on it’s side, as it was when I fell on it……..well you can imagine where I landed.
Now had I landed about 4 inches further to the right I would have created a new oraface with which to crap out of (sorry to be so crass) but in this case I managed to land my left butt cheek squarely on that peg and I cannot begin to tell you the pain that ran through my ass at that moment.
I laid in that position for about a minute. Me on top of the bike with the trash can on top of me…..this surely was not a good look. I was halfway hoping that someone would come along and help me up and then again I was halfway hoping that no one saw the whole fiasco, although if they had I probably would have to help them off the ground because they would be there writhing in pain from the laughter!
It didn’t take long for the color to appear. When I was finally able to crawl my sandwiched ass out of that mess I came into the house to look at my butt. MFH heard me cursing a blue streak all the way to the bathroom and followed me in to see what had happened. As I removed my sweatpants I saw that the bruise had already formed and it wasn’t going to be pretty. By day 2 I announced to MFH that my bruise was the “color and size of Jupiter” to which he replied “No honey, it’s more like Uranus”…….he thinks he’s funny.
Long story short, FS gets no allowance because he failed to do his chore and care for his bike and MFH now has a bruise just like mine, from where I kicked him after the “Uranus” crack! (not really, he doesn’t bruise as easily as me)
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: beer, clothes, corned beef, green, Irish, nuts, pinch, pinching, St. Patrick's Day
I wish it was St. Patrick’s Day at least once a week, but only due to the food. I can do without EVERYTHING turning green. Corned beef and cabbage with boiled potatoes is one of my absolute favorite meals and it really should be enjoyed more than one time a year. The only problem that I have with this particular “holiday” is the color associated with it, for other than my eyes I have NOTHING green to wear.
Now I say that but then of course I do actually have some green jackets and one t-shirt (thanks to the fact that I am a fan of Oregon Duck Football) however they’re not really appropriate attire for work. I was the only person in the office today without something green on my body but then again it really doesn’t flatter my skin tone so why would I spend my hard earned money on clothing that doesn’t flatter my color??
This morning FS came upstairs after getting dressed. He had on his usual, less than appropriate gym shorts and t-shirt (it was 40 degrees outside). I noticed that he didn’t have any green on and so I observed this out loud exclaiming ”Son, you’re not wearing any green! Do you want to get pinched?” Completely unaffected he turned to me and said “so what?” and then proceeded to find a green sticker and slap it on his shirt. That made me think about the comment that I made because I’m pretty sure that pinching someone could land you a harassment citation, or worse, a lawsuit! This is the part of the story where I go nuts over our litigious society and how overly sensitive people can be about the possibility of a pinch that they may incur due to the lack of green clothing that may be visible to the pincher on this ONE day out of 365 a year!
Anyway, I wore no green clothing today. Not even undies; and when I was kid that was the famous excuse we all used if we didn’t have green clothes, “NO! You can’t pinch me because I’m wearing green underpants so HA!” I am honestly sad to tell you that not one person even so much as threatened a pinch. I fear for the direction that our society is headed. It would appear that in our political correctness we have lost the identity of the famous St. Patrick’s Day pinch. This makes me very sad.
Oh well, I’ll get over it with help of green beer, cheers!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bubble, college, divorce, dreams, gossip, kids, military, police, small town
Someone wise and smart once noted: “The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else always does.” Amen. I live in what was once considered a small town but although it’s grown substantially since I moved here 15 years ago, it has still managed to maintain a small town mentality and identity. That has it’s pluses and it’s negatives as you might imagine!
A few of the plusses include knowing where the kids are most of the time and what they’re up to, knowing enough people around town to always be in the know about local businesses, knowing the local police officers (that can be a negative too!), and finding out who’s doing what (a.k.a. gossip).
The kids really can’t get away with much around here. I find out from other moms when my son’s been in trouble on the bus and I hear about who his latest “girlfriend” is (if you can call them that at 12). When they tell me they’re going to be someplace it’s easy to run into them out and about…..it’s a small town and they generally have to walk or bike wherever they go. I think that it’s pretty safe and I know that we’re very lucky to live in this sheltered bubble. But then again I worry because I know that the real world outside of our bubble isn’t that safe and isn’t so pretty. That’s okay, college will straighten them out…..or better yet, the military.
Now, on to the negatives of living in a small town where everyone knows your buisness. This one’s my favorite: running into people who like to tell me that they ran into my ex-husband at the bar. I never hear of them running into him anywhere else…..that’s odd. I hate that. Or how about this one: there is no such thing as a silent/quiet divorce in a small town! I’m not the only person to have had that experience and since it would seem that half of the town is doing it these days it just becomes depressing to find out that people I knew well, partied with, whose children attended the same pre-school as mine are now in financial distress and divorce. YUCK!
MFH and I have talked a lot about leaving. Given the economy I would pack it all up and move to some other country in a heartbeat but then reality takes a baseball bat and hits me in the head and the idea is gone as fast as it came. Every time I think “FLEE, RUN, FASTER…..FASTER!!” I hit that brick wall that I like to call my children and I’m reminded that they need the stability of the small town environment in these most unstable of times.
So I guess we’ll be here for another 7 years or so. Long enough to hope for a housing market rebound and for the kids to be off at college. Then we’ll pack up and high tail it to an exotic island in the Carribean……or Mexico maybe! I doubt that will happen but one can dream!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: birthdays, cigarettes, daughters, Dr. Laura, friends, girls, kids, mistakes, parenting, priorities, smoking, stupidity, teenagers
Tomorrow FD turns 14.I can’t believe it, seriously, I cannot believe that I have a 14 year old…..who’s half an inch taller than me, and I’m not short! It got me thinking about all of the stupid stuff I did at her age, and it made me very thankful that I’m a much more involved parent than CAM ever was (but this is not about CAM!).
By the time I reached the age of 14 I had already tried my first cigarette (and that’s all I’m telling you about). I will NEVER forget this story, mainly because I learned what an incredible idiot I was. I was about 12 or 13 and CAM was always working all the time, she didn’t get home until late. My friend Lisa was planning on coming over after school and when we got home she produced a cigarette that she had stolen from her mom. We really had no idea what to do with it but we were so excited we couldn’t stand it! Since we were so afraid that someone would see us, we decided that the best place to try this cancer stick would be in my bathroom, window open, fan on……that should take care of the smell right? Wrong. CAM came home about 2 hours after we had lit up and she could smell it from the front door to the back of the house. I was toast, as usual. Funny thing was that her ranting was so normal that I think I took to tuning her out really well. I’ve repressed the memories of the punishments……that’s not a joke, I seriously don’t remember what happened even though I know I was punished!
My point is that with everything that the kids are being taught in school there is no way that FD would even think about trying a smoke. The schools have these kids scared so straight I am amazed. And I’m not the only mom that feels this way. When I talk to other moms about what we did at this age versus what our girls are doing now we all laugh and thank God that we’re able to keep better track of our kids. And maybe that’s why we do it. CAM didn’t make me a priority and most of my other friends had moms that worked and simply trusted that the kids would be okay and stay out of trouble. But for those of us that got into trouble we’re so knowledgeable about what the kids could be doing that we’ve made a conscious effort to be home when the kids get home from school or volunteer in the classroom or get to know our kids’ friends parents or install home alarm systems in an effort to keep the kids in (not burglars out)!
Either way I’m thankful for the fact that the schools are doing a great job with drug and tobacco education, that there are people like Dr. Laura who aren’t afraid to tell people that kids are the priority, NOT careers and I’m mostly thankful for the knowledge that I gained through my own stupidity. My hope is that my children learn from my mistakes and that they benefit from my knowledge of what NOT to do! Well, one can hope!
