I’m Surrounded By Nuts!

Last Friday morning I took a pretty bad fall……because I’m klutzy and that’s what I do!

I had just returned from my early morning walk and noticed that FS never took the trash out to the curb the night before. This is his chore, every Thursday, and he knows this, but he’s lazy! It was still pretty dark out and I wasn’t paying attention as I backed out the trash can and as I was backing up I tripped over FS’s bike which was lying on the driveway, which isn’t suppose to be lying on the driveway, which he knows, but he’s lazy!! Strike 2.

As I began to go down I attempted to steady myself with the trash can which was a really stupid idea because it has wheels and that really only proved to make matters worse bacause it ended up coming down with me and landed on top of me, with me landing on top of the bike.

I have failed to mention what type of bike I’m talking about. This bike is a dirt bike, it has pegs coming out of the middle of the wheels, one on each side (just like the pegs on the bike that Napoleon Dynamite had on his bike when Pedro rode the pegs, remember?). These are very strong steel pegs that stick out about 4 inches off of the wheel and when the bike is on the ground, on it’s side, as it was when I fell on it……..well you can imagine where I landed.

Now had I landed about 4 inches further to the right I would have created a new oraface with which to crap out of (sorry to be so crass) but in this case I managed to land my left butt cheek squarely on that peg and I cannot begin to tell you the pain that ran through my ass at that moment.

I laid in that position for about a minute. Me on top of the bike with the trash can on top of me…..this surely was not a good look. I was halfway hoping that someone would come along and help me up and then again I was halfway hoping that no one saw the whole fiasco, although if they had I probably would have to help them off the ground because they would be there writhing in pain from the laughter!

It didn’t take long for the color to appear. When I was finally able to crawl my sandwiched ass out of that mess I came into the house to look at my butt. MFH heard me cursing a blue streak all the way to the bathroom and followed me in to see what had happened. As I removed my sweatpants I saw that the bruise had already formed and it wasn’t going to be pretty. By day 2 I announced to MFH that my bruise was the “color and size of Jupiter” to which he replied “No honey, it’s more like Uranus”…….he thinks he’s funny.

Long story short, FS gets no allowance because he failed to do his chore and care for his bike and MFH now has a bruise just like mine, from where I kicked him after the “Uranus” crack! (not really, he doesn’t bruise as easily as me)