I’m Surrounded By Nuts!

Well if that title doesn’t catch your attention, I don’t know what will!
My good friend and neighbor recently took her dog out for a run in the local park (off leash) and unfortunately the stupid animal got sprayed by a skunk….right in the snout too! It reminded me of a funny story so I thought that I would share it with you.

About 8 years ago I had a German Sheppard. Lexi was a sweet dog and rarely got into things however she managed at least 3 times to get close enough to a skunk’s ass and got sprayed.
On one such occasion it was a cold dark evening and I was too lazy to let her out of the back door. I decided instead to let her take a quick pee in the front yard and I opened the door just enough for her to run out quickly, do her business and run back inside. She was a bit faster than usual and as she slinked quickly back into the house it hit me like a ton of bricks…SKUNK!
It’s usually bad enough that you discover your dog has been skunked however that was far from the worst part of this story. Our home had just been listed for sale and we were having an open house the next day. Before I could stop her, Lexi ran into the den and began vigorously rubbing her nose right into the carpet. As you might imagine, I panicked. No wait, that’s not the right word, I FREAKED! I began chasing my dog throughout the house with the intention of grabbing her and throw her into the garage. She did everything in her power to evade capture. She ran under beds, hid under the dining room table, and at one point she was so scared that she had peed on the carpet, which only fueled my hysteria.
When I finally did get her out of the house, was able to get myself together and wrap my brain around the events of the last 60 seconds I began to realize that the open house would have to be postponed but more importantly….how was I going to get rid of that smell?
The carpet cleaning was easy, and immediate! The dog on the other hand was going to be a bigger challenge. I had heard about all of the usual remedies including tomato juice and specialty dog wash shampoo but I wanted to be thorough and get the job done so I called my dog groomer Jeannie for her expert advice.
My goal was to pay her to do the job; she politely declined. So I was on my own but not without her “ancient Chinese secret” recipe; and here it is: Feminine Douches. You read this right, the groomers remedy was a douche….and not just one but she thought that it would take several, given the size of my dog and the close range of the spray.
At that point I was willing to try just about anything and Jeannie sounded like she knew what she was talking about so I put on my baseball hat and sunglasses and off to the local grocery store I went.
Since it was early in the day I was very hopeful that the store would be empty. I all but sprinted to the “feminine hygiene” aisle and grabbed 6 boxes of the best douches money could buy…..because they must be the best right? AND God knew, I was not doing it again. When I arrived at the checkout (there wasn’t self-checkout 8 years ago unfortunately), I placed my products on the checkout belt and watched them inch closer and closer to the cashier who waited for them with shear disinterest.
Now I know that these cashiers don’t give a damn about what customers are buying, they’re just doing their job. But since this was a store that I frequented often and since a man had just pulled his cart up behind me I couldn’t help but think that my purchase warranted some kind of an explanation, whether anyone wanted to hear it or not.

So I said to the cashier “I know what you’re thinking.”
Obviously thrown off by my mind reading abilities she replied “You do?”
At which point I responded “These aren’t for me. They’re for my dog.”

You could have heard a pin drop in that instant while both the cashier and the man behind me were trying to figure out what I was going to do to my dog….it was a moment I wish I could have framed!
Naturally I went on to explain that the dog had been skunked, this was the groomers remedy and so on and so forth. Of course both of them had to put in their two cents about how tomato juice and a specialty shampoo were their remedies of choice but agreed that whatever gets the job done was all that mattered.
So I left the store with my purchase quadrouple bagged so as not to have to explain my problem to another living soul and went about the daunting task of de-skunking my dog.

Long story short, it didn’t work. She smelled for months after that. Lexi passed away about 5 years ago and I have fond memories of her, she was a good and loyal dog. This memory is not so fond, but it’s funny as hell!