I’m Surrounded By Nuts!

Well it’s been a while since I’ve had any time to post something quirky and fun to read. After all, amusing my followers and friends is the ultimate goal of this blogger. The events that took place in the early hours of this day are worthy of my time, effort and what little energy I have left so I hope that you are once again able to find the humor in my life’s stories.
I’ll begin by explaining that there is no school today. It’s Thursday; today and tomorrow the high school has conferences. Yesterday evening FD attended an event at the school and then went out with a friend for a couple of hours. I told her to be home by midnight (which I thought was a generous curfew). When she arrived home she knocked on my bedroom door to let me know that she was home safe and sound (as she always does…..she’s good that way).
It was at about 2am that I woke up and something just didn’t feel right with me. I don’t always sleep well but for the prior 3 nights I had slept like a rock and immediately I was upset that my streak was over. As I laid in bed, facing the bedroom door I saw light and realized that the porch lights had been left on. I specifically told FD to shut them off when she got home. So I slowly got out of bed and headed out the door toward the front door…..cursing along the way. As I got closer I realized that not only had the lights been left on but the front door was unlocked too…..which was odd because I have a strict “lock-the-door-so-we’re-not-all-murdered-in-our-sleep” rule, and FD knows this.
Needless to say I wanted to make sure that FD was alive so down the stairs I went, to check on my precious gift, my daughter. Oddly enough I also found the back door downstairs unlocked….this was another penalty and now I was really not happy. After securing that door I made it down the hall and I peered in through the crack of her bedroom door, there she was quietly laying in her bed…..albeit a little toooooo quietly; so I gently pushed open the door so as not to wake the sleeping princess but just enough so that I could confirm that she was breathing. The cat was contently curled up beside what appeared to be the sleeping beauty and as I reached over to give her a scratch behind the ears I realized that my already skinny daughter appeared to have gotten much skinnier……and was missing her head.
It’s a REALLY bad feeling when you realize that your child isn’t where you expected them to be. I had been dreading this day and somehow knew it would come. Let’s not kid ourselves, most (if not all) of you reading this snuck out at least once if not multiple times as a teenager so to say that I didn’t see this coming would be an epic lie. What I didn’t expect was that FD would be so blatant and almost polite about it.
When I pulled back the comforter to reveal the mass of blankets, clothing, a hat and even a Barbie doll (which was placed on the pillow and had its blond hair sticking out from under the covers…..totally unbelievable, yet she gets an “A” for effort), I was also shocked to find a note. That’s right. In the event that she was discovered she actually took the time to write me a note and here’s what it said:
“Mom/D- If you find this note you have obviously realized I’m gone. No, I did not run away. Don’t call the cops. I’ll be back by 3. I’m a teen, sorry. Love you both- FD” (not really, it had her name).
What a polite young lady. There were so many positive aspects of this note, the mere fact that she left it for me signaled that she cared enough to at least ATTEMPT to lessen her mother’s concern. In addition, she gave herself a curfew….and an explanation, she is after all a “teen” and that is apparently a valid excuse that covers this violation of trust. Who knew!?
When I was a teen and would make idiotic mistakes I recall my father responding as calmly as possible, although his punishments dealt a harsh blow I found I could not argue with the calm silent treatment and it was almost worse than the option of being yelled at and lectured. Once I got over my shock and initial anger, I shared FD’s note with MFH. We both felt that her note was quite genius and decided that the best way to respond would be to leave her a note as well. So I penned:
“Dear FD, If you’ve found this note you obviously realize that you’re grounded. Gramma Jo is so looking forward to spending the week with you while your brother, MFH and I are enjoying the beaches of Hawaii in a few weeks. Do not call your friends, you will not have a phone. Love, Mom and D.
P.S. We’re parents, this is what we do.”
Since I had secured the back door I figured that FD would come through the front so I carefully taped this note to the front door, turned the porch lights back on, left the door unlocked for her eventual return and went calmly back to bed (with no intention of falling asleep). To her credit she returned at exactly 3am and of course she got my note.
I will leave the rest of the night to your imagination. It included excuses, tears, breathalizer etc. Needless to say I have a house slave for a while. Oh, and that reminds me…..with all of this time on her hands she will be able to clean, babysit and do whatever mundane chores my friends may need done also. So please call me if her services are needed in your home…..and pray for me!