I’m Surrounded By Nuts!


Liar, Liar
December 2, 2008, 5:22 pm
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……..you’re pants are on fire!

When is lying okay? Is it okay to lie when your friend got a really bad haircut and wants to know what you think about it? Maybe. Is it okay to lie when a police officer pulls you over for speeding and (if you’re a woman) you start to cry (even better if you’re a man) and give him some sob story about how your family member is dieing and you’re on your way to see them for the last time?? It works, I know this for a fact! Is it okay to lie to your ex-wife, a.k.a the mother and sole custodial parent of your children and ask your children to lie to their mother in an effort to thwart your financial responsibility and obligation to your children……NEVER. Guess where this is going…….

It is not okay to ask your children to lie for you, period. This was the conversation that I unfortunately had to have with FD & FS last Sunday evening after they had spent the week with the sperm donor they call dad. AND, I know that he asked them to lie because when I told them that I believed that to be the case, they never objected. The sad part is that they are admittedly embarrassed by him and his behavior and they cover for him because he continues to play the role of victim……..and he is apparently pretty good at it given the fact that he is sponging off of friends to give him a job and a place to live.

But getting back to the lying part: when is it okay to lie? Here is when (in my humble opinion) it IS okay:

  • Q:”Does this dress/shirt/jeans/belt make me look fat?” A:”How could anything make you look fat?”
  • Q:”So what do you really think of my mother/father/kids/friends?” A:”I like them….really!”
  • Q:”Do you like this meal that I lovingly made for you?” A:”Yes, it’s delicious!”
  • Q:”Did you just remember today that it’s my birthday/our anniversary?” A: “No honey, I’ve known for weeks!”
  • Q:”Mommy, do you like the picture I made for you?” A:”It’s beautiful, you’re the next VanGogh!”

Obviously the answers to the above questions could be lies but in an effort to not hurt the feelings of your friend, spouse, significant other or anyone you truly care about, you sometimes lie. Those are lies that I think are okay, but that’s just me. AND, I personally appreciate it when I ask some of these questions and receive a “white” lie in response!

Now, getting caught lying is a whole new story, and lying to your parents is a breech of the 4th commandment (I think I got the number right). So here’s my Mastercard moment:

Pastoral counseling to help teach the children about the commandments and why we don’t lie: $20 (by donation)

Filing for contempt of court charges: $253

Finding out where Dumbass works and turning the information into the DOJ so that they can garnish his wages beginning with his first paycheck: PRICELESS!

………..and that ain’t no lie!

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To Work or Not to Work, That is the Question!
November 7, 2008, 9:28 am
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Well today is the day. It’s November 7th and according to Dumbass it’s the day he quits his job because he has no other options. This is his way of avoiding child support. If you haven’t read my first blog post titled “I’m Speechless”, you will need to in order to get up to speed on what I’m talking about today.

I have several friends that have Ex’s and as the primary care provider my friends receive child support and most also receive spousal support. ALL of my friends Ex’s have, at some point since the divorce settlement been asked to take less and/or have been dragged back or forced back into court by their Ex in an effort to have the settlement reduced. AND, more than one of these guys has had some type of job/work loss that they say “gives them no other option” then to have the support reduced.

In my case, the tremendous backward slide in my Ex’s ability to provide financially makes ZERO sense. This was a guy that at one point was earning $120K at a highly reputable company. He is now earningonly $30K, and that’s a high estimate. The court ordered him to pay $801/month to financially support his children, which is a lot given his current wage, however when the support award was granted he was making $60K (and that was only 5 months ago!)

Here’s the thing. I’m a Realtor. The market isn’t exactly booming. Still, I have done a very good job maintaining my finances, saving for the bad times and in addition, I am fully willing to get another job if need be! When I run this scenario past my friends, they feel the same way so what the hell is going on?

There is a problem in our society and it’s increasingly pervasive when it comes to supporting children especially. Placing the spousal support issue aside (please don’t feel that I’m discounting it, I’m not. However child support is seen by the court as a much more mandatory issue than spousal support) these men seem to think that it’s ok to make THEIR inability or unwillingness to pay their financial obligation a problem for the mother.

I have obvious issues with this, as I’m sure most people do. But here’s the issue at the top of my list: If I lost my job and was unable or unwilling to financially support myself and my children would I go to my Ex and ask “I need MORE support money because I can’t or don’t want to work?” Hell no. So why is it ok for them to come to us and ask us to take less, in an effort to put more money in their pocket? It’s not.

So what can we do? Nothing. Why would we expect these guys to be stand-up dad’s or even better, stand-up Ex-husband’s? They were lousy husbands (that’s why we divorced them) and without us there to keep them on the right track, they will be lousy providers. The only thing that we can do is stick to our guns, do the right thing, continue to care and provide for our children, cry on each other’s shoulders and know that in the end WE will be ok. You cannot and should not ever let your Ex’s problem become yours. Just say NO!

Now, as a side note, this blog is suppose to be humorous so I’ll leave you with a joke that I received yesterday. I’m not sure who the author is so I can’t give credit where it’s due but here it goes:

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘YOU CAN BE THE
MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

“From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word
is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you
are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I
want.  Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will
wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage
my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb
my hair?

The wife replied, “The f***in’ funeral director would be my first
guess.”….


 

 
   
1 Comment


I am speechless.
October 27, 2008, 11:03 pm
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OK world, here it goes! I need an outlet, I need to speak and not really care who hears. I have an amazing husband and two fabulous children…..they’re all perfect and yet I’m surrounded by nuts, hence the blog name. I have an awesome career but can’t stand most of my clients.I have an amazing husband (yes I know I mentioned that) but I have a dumbass ex-husband. I have a great dad, but a nuttier than a fruitcake mother. I have an incredibly large and fabulous group of friends, and yet I’m in therapy.

So against my better judgement but at the advice of a friend, I’m going to attempt to blog. I’ve had a great life so don’t let my cynicism cloud the fact that I am actually a happy person, I am! There are just certain people in my life that will not go away……and they keep lobbing weeds into my garden (or so my therapist tells me). In an effort to get to the good stuff, I’m just going to share the latest regarding my ex-husband. We will, from this point forward, refer to him as Dumbass. In a nutshell, Dumbass and I divorced because he was a drug abusing, financially crippling narcissist. AND FYI: I enjoy full custody of my 2 children and I have a successful career. Onto the meat………..

Dumbass sent me an e-mail yesterday attempting to weasel his way out of paying court awarded child support for his two children. The long and short of it is that he went for over 2 years after our divorce with no award in place. That’s right, stupid me! Actually he refused to work so the support order would have gone against me. However this last Spring a very smart judge reduced Dumbass’s visitation (for a variety of reasons) and granted a support award, and a nice fat big one at that! Can you guess what happened? That’s right, he quit his job.

Eventually Dumbass figured out that he needed to work and found a job, making substantially less then he had before. I have no doubt that he did this on purpose and after you get to know him, I’m sure you’ll agree. Anyway, I read and re-read this e-mail several times over……and then came waves of anger, waves of laughter, waves of shame…..and now I’m sea sick. Here it is:

With my take-home of $300 every 2 weeks I see no way to continue my job at ________. Frankly, it isn’t enough to make a payment on my crappy car, gas, insurance and food, much alone normal living expenses. I would be happy to provide you with my check stubs for proof. This is not a sympathy email – this is a real email. I would think you would rather receive less than nothing at all. I plan on resigning after my next paycheck at this rate.
 
So…..
 
If you will consider lowering my child support  payment to $375 to $425 a month, I would be able to continue to work and hope there is some long term future of better compensation at _______. If not, when the DA goes to pull from my check there will not be a check to pull from after November 7th. 
 
The courts realize I live off of $150 a week yet the court date is January. This isn’t anything more than an economic reality. I really do not care if you respond to this email because I have to do what I have to do – I would just hope the kids mean enough to you to put your ego in check and do what’s right for them. 
 
If you do this for me I will return the act by when my income does go up I will be forthright and alleviate your need to take time and money getting it adjusted. This is an opportunity to build on for our future parenting relationship. Your call.
 
This isn’t leverage - I have no other options.
Here ends the reading of one of Dumbass’sfiner works. NO OTHER OPTIONS??????!!!!! How about getting another job….how about getting a better job????? And BTW, I fail to see how this is my problem and there is nothing wrong with my ego, thank you very much.
I have not responded and I will not respond. I am actually choosing to never respond to him again unless called on by the court, but that will be a cold day in hell since he can’t afford an attorney and hasn’t paid the last one. The children are getting older (11 and 13) and they now only see him every other Friday and Saturday, it’s been bliss. I guess that what I’m hoping to find by blogging is the peace of mind that comes when the garbage is dumped and you’re left with a clean waste basket. So, I’ll be back when the garbage is full, I’m sure it won’t be long……………
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