Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: birthday, Christianity, crazy, elderly, family, God, grandmother, guilt, Jesus, mother, religion
Hello my faithful friends, readers and curiosity freaks…..life’s good!
So I came home after a fun-filled and much deserved week long vacation with the family to find an e-mail in my inbox from CAM (Crazy Ass Mother……which is literally what my mother is). This was a surprise because CAM and I don’t communicate….or at least I don’t make it a habit to communicate with her cause SHE’s CRAZY (cue the cuckoo clock sound).
Anyway, long story short….I was pissed. I have spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars trying to get over the fact that up until I was 14 I was raised by a raging alcoholic self-centered slut bitch (sorry for the fowl mouth but it is what it is). In fact, in the last 5 years I’ve been fairly successful at keeping her at bay (as you will read in her own words).
Let me set the stage for the e-mail rant that I received; and know that you will have the opportunity to read it in it’s entirety for that is how I have chosen to respond…..to share it with everyone I know, and a few that I don’t! My grandmother turned 90 this last July and CAM somehow positioned herself as the person responsible for setting up the party (consisting of mostly other elderly people and a small amount of family). My family, MFH, FD, FS and myself were the only people coming in from out of town (party in Tacoma, Washington). I was informed that the party was to take place on Sunday the 5th of July at 10am. In fact this was the message left on my cell phone by CAM:
SUGARY, FAKE TALK: “Hi Stacy it’s mom (which irritates me when she calls herself that), I wanted to let you know that Gramma’s party is going to be on Sunday July 5th at 10am. Now I know that it’s not a convenient time…….but I hope that you can make it.”
I know that you don’t know her but trust me when I tell you she did this on purpose! Why wouldn’t someone that wanted me and my family to be there ask me my opinion BEFORE making the reservations? She didn’t give a shit, that’s why.
Now, to really understand the family dynamic I would have to spend hours writing and I’m sure you would be bored beyond belief so I’ll spare you…..because I care 
Long story short, we didn’t go, it wasn’t convenient and frankly if I was being dead honest I didn’t want to be around CAM, at all.
So it’s a month later and I haven’t talked with my Grandmother since I sent her a beautiful bouquet of flowers on her birthday and instead I get the following e-mail from CAM:
“I really don’t know where to begin to say what needs to be said. Guess I’ll dive right in.
Your hurtfulness knows no bounds, but I’m thinking you know that. It’s a travesty that you have kept your children from their grandmother, from the fun and nurturing they’d have in relationship with me, for well over 5 years. Your bitterness towards me has now slopped over onto your grandmother, who has always loved you so much, and the kids’ great-grandmother, who celebrated a rare and precious event, her 90th birthday, without them. Since then, you’ve been intent on self-justification and accusations as reasons for not attending. Forget it. It’s over. I’m truly sad because your bitterness is only hurting you, and your family.
Stacy, no one is saved and secure in his or her eternal destiny by occupying a church pew, by saying “grace” before meals, by confirmation, baptism, church traditions, or membership. And if you’re not walking with the Lord, you are His enemy……in rebellion against God. Your hard-heartedness towards me is proof that you’re not saved, because you could not do what you’ve done for the past 5+ years if you were. It’s just not spiritually possible. But today, right now, you can cry out to Jesus to save you, and He will give you a brand-new heart, as the Bible says, “…a heart of flesh.”
You missed a wonderful celebration of Grandma’s birthday……90!!! And she’s totally “with it,” works the crosswords, drives very well, cares for her home and cats, etc….etc!!!! And most important of all, my mom and I enjoy one another, share love and fun, and just wish we had more time together. Now that’s the “fruit of the Spirit,” nothing that Mom or I have done, but totally the answer to prayer and the work of God. Not attending Grandma’s party was your loss. Sure, your grandmother was hurt, terribly hurt, and I’d have loved to see you all. But we had a great time, made memories, and shared great joy, all gifts from God. We were truly blessed.
I pray to God every day to save you, but first you must be broken, just like everybody else. I pray for that, because there is absolutely nothing more important than your salvation….nothing. Stacy, my precious daughter, I beg you to turn from your bitterness and unloving ways, repent of your sins, surrender your life to the One who loves you more than any person ever could. He’ll never let you down. And when you get that new heart, let’s get together and share the love God plants in the hearts of those who believe on the matchless name of the Savior, Jesus.
I love you. Mom”
And you wonder why it’s cost so much to work out my issues with this woman? She doesn’t even know what the word “saved” means! I like Kat’s response when I read her this e-mail. She said “tell her that you spoke with Jesus and he told you that she is bat-shit crazy and that you should stay away from her!”
That’s really what I wanted to say but I thought about it overnight and when I woke up I realized that was what CAM was hoping for, a response. And she would take any response. So I decided not to give her the satisfaction of a response at all (cue the evil laugh).
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bank, bankers, banks, borrowers, crazy, customer service, death, frusteration, hair, hardship, loan, loan modification, loss mitigation, owe, real estate, Realtor, short sale
Before I get started I would just like to say that I am truly amazed by my Superbowl prediction (read the previous post)! I called the point spread….just for the other team. Minor details, oh well.
I’m going bald. I’m 38 and I’m going bald. At first I thought I had a vitamin deficiency but after the conversation that I had with a bank employee today I realized that it’s not a vitamin deficiency at all. Turns out that I spend about 2 hours every day literally ripping my hair out from the roots due to the incredible and often subhuman conversations that I have with bank employees! It’s maddening and has now left me hairless.
WHY, you ask, am I even talking to these people? Well, because the real estate market has shifted and I have had to shift my business right along with it. As awful as it sounds (and it is truly awful) I have so many clients that are in either a state of financial crisis, divorce, death or all of the above! I kid you not, I’ve seen it all. And most of these people have contracted with me to facilitate a short sale, which in layman’s terms means that I attempt to negotiate with the banks on my clients behalf to sell the home for less than what is owed on the property…..and sometimes it’s a lot less.
This morning I spent 15 minutes on hold with a bank prior to even getting a human voice. This is not altogether unheard of. When I finally spoke to someone, this is how the conversation went: (the names and information have been changed to protect the innocent)
Bank: Can I have your loan number please?
Me: 2849573894
Bank: Can you verify the address?
Me: 17846 SW Whogivesadamn Street, Nowhere
Bank: Can you give me the name of the borrower and their social security number?
Me: I gave it
Bank: What can I do for you today Mr. Brown?
Me: Well, first off, I’m not Mr. Brown.
Bank: oh I’m so sorry (and they always have a southern drawl). To whom am I speaking?
Me: This is Mr. Brown’s Realtor, well actually not Mr. Brown’s because see, he’s deceased so I’m the Realtor for the personal representative for the estate.
Bank: (obviously thrown way off by my last statement) Well ma’am (southern drawl again), would you like to speak with our loan modification department…..blah, blah, blah.
Me: WWWWooooooohhhw, stop talking. Did you not just hear what I said? The borrower is deceased and you want to send me to the loan modification department? HE’S DEAD! Can you modify a loan for a dead person? Shit, you can’t give a loan to a live person but you’ll modify the loan of a dead person??
That’s right, I lost it. It wasn’t long after that that I requested a transfer to the loss mitigation department and was placed on perma-hold again, only to have the line answered by another “customer no service” rep who was kind enough to place me on hold again in an effort to get the department that I needed and she stayed with me until they answered. She was the only normal person that I spoke to, and I miss her.
After I had been funneled through the phone system for the zillionth time I finally connected with Gayle in Loss Mitigation. While there I was able to explain the borrowers dilemma (remember, he’s dead) and then I requested her requirements for a short sale package given these circumstances, citing that I actually had offers to present to them. Amazingly enough Gayle, a woman who undoubtedly takes these calls all day long attempted to read the requirements from a script. I know this because if she had heard me tell her that the borrower was deceased, she never would have asked me to have my client present a “hand written hardship letter”.
I laughed so hard I peed my pants. What was I going to do, have his body exhumed and take his lifeless skeletal hand and hold a pen in it, ever so delicately, and beg it to come back to life in an effort to write a letter to the bank to explain why he couldn’t make his payments?????????? Seriously people, get a clue!
Obviously fed up with me and my attitude and not knowing what to do next, Gayle suggested that I simply send a copy of the death certificate. I obliged.
So do you see where I’m at? It’s not a good place, and that was only the first half hour of a very long day. I’m riding full steam ahead on the crazy train and I was just promoted to engineer. There is only one positive that will come out of all of this madness: since I’ll have no hair left I should be able to save about $100 on my cut, color, and style every month! Can anyone recommend a good wig shop?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Arizona, crazy, envy, family, inlaws, jealously, Mesa, retire, retirement, vacation, weather
I apologize for my brief hiatus, I just returned from a trip to Mesa Arizona to visit with the in-laws. AND I couldn’t have picked a better time of the year to fly south because it’s frickin’ freezing up here in Oregon!
All four of us me, my FD & FS and MFH were all flown down by my very generous father-in-law for four days and nights to spend his birthday with him. We had a great time (thank you for asking) and when we returned home Sunday night I fell into a deep depression….it was cold and I didn’t want to go to work the next day.
So, when I did wake up on Monday morning I was a 38 year old woman who became a 15 year old rebellious teenager with the raging (and often irritating) hormonal see-saw style attitude that literally lasted until I went to bed last night. Fortunately for MFH, I’m over it, somewhat.
Here’s my problem: I WANT TO RETIRE TOO (you have to say that in a very whiney, irritating childlike way). My in-laws are living the life that I want and I want it now!! Not in 20 years, NOW!
The in-laws are snowbirds. They live from April through September up here and are in Arizona during the winter (although the winter for them is 7 months!) They are not what you might call “wealthy”, both of their homes are very modest, in fact their place in Mesa is a park model (which is a small mobile home). They have lived financially “smart” and were both fully retired at 61. They live in a retirement community when they are in Mesa, complete with a huge recreation hall, swimming pool indoors and out, workout facilities, and you wouldn’t believe the activities available to them! Water volleyball, glass & wood working classes, concerts (on site), dinners…..the list goes on. Not to mention the friends that they have made down there…..they are from all over the US and Canada. OH, and I won’t even get started on the daily cocktail hours in the evenings, on the deck, in the warm weather……….
Then I come home to reality. My daughter has her period, my son is a backtalking nightmare, my clients are all in bankruptsy, foreclosure, divorce, or are just generally pissed that their homes haven’t sold and all I can do is wish, hope, and pray that someday, somehow I will live long enough to retire. And then I think “I’m going to have to kill myself to get there!”……I guess that’s why retirement is so sweet.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Christianity, commandments, crazy, honor, humor, mom, mother
Last weekend FD, FS & I all attended church. MFH wasn’t feeling good and stayed home, or maybe that was just an excuse to skip church, you decide. We’re your average protestant family, we attend church about twice a month but always make it a priority to force it on the kids through confirmation classes!
So at the service the confirmants in FD’s class all had to memorize and recite the 10 Commandments. There are 5 kids in her class so each kid took 2 commandments, recited them and then explained them. In addition, the pastor used this as his sermon lesson for the day. It was pretty impressive, the kids did awesome!
But that’s not what this story is really about…..I just wanted to brag! No actually this is sort of about the commandment that says “Thou shalt honor they mother and thy father”. I’m not telling this story in an effort to get all preachy, I’m actually laying out the foundation of issues with my mother.
My mother is nuts. We call her CAM, Crazy Ass Mother. That’s not exactly what I would call “honoring” but I think I’m ok. I’ve pretty much fallen short on all of the commandments at some time or another (although I’m not a murderer or an adulterer) but I’m told that I’m forgiven so I’m good! Anyway, I don’t really talk to CAM anymore. I removed her from my life about 4 years ago, for good this time. There were other times that I tried to stay away but she kept pulling me back in. She really is truly messed up but I hope the best for her (and those around her) but I just cannot have her in my life, it’s a recipe for disaster……a pinch of grandiosity with a dash of boundrylessness (something my therapist put in my head).
CAM has always been a bit controlling and I’m sure that most of us would say something like that about our mom, that’s what they do. But her controlling behavior reached a new height when she found the Lord. Please don’t misunderstand! I think it’s great when anyone finds Jesus it’s just that SOME people become holier than thou, and that’s what happened in this case.
The last few times that I have had the misfortune of hearing from CAM it was to inform me and the kids (with a postcard) that she was in NY, attempting to convert the Jews or (by letter) asking us for a donation in her name so that she could go on a mission trip to India to save the Lost Tribe of Menashe (and I only remember the name of the tribe because there is a law firm here in town and Albert Menashe is the lead Partner!! LOL).
The last time that I actually saw her was about 2 years ago when MFH took me to visit my Gramma (not my crazy one) while she was recovering in a nursing home after a fall. When we got there we weren’t expecting CAM to be there also, that was a bonus. MFH had never met her before but had heard stories. The visit started out very nicely and CAM was making ME look like the crazy one…..she was on her best behavior, dammit! But it wasn’t long before the crazy came out and I felt redemption coming my way. She started questioning MFH about his salvation, his beliefs, his Savior etc……she even had the nerve to hand us some mini brochures about how we could find Jesus. My response: “Found him already, thanks!” Needless to say I was more than a little embarassed but MFH got the education that reinforced the decision to keep CAM out of our lives.
I have finally come to terms with my Christian guilt regarding the honoring of my mother. I think that the best way to “honor” her is to keep her away. God knows that if I let her back into my life she would make me crazy and I would probably end up breaking another commandment…….the REALLY bad one!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: child support, court, crazy, deadbeat dad, dumbass, ex-husband
OK world, here it goes! I need an outlet, I need to speak and not really care who hears. I have an amazing husband and two fabulous children…..they’re all perfect and yet I’m surrounded by nuts, hence the blog name. I have an awesome career but can’t stand most of my clients.I have an amazing husband (yes I know I mentioned that) but I have a dumbass ex-husband. I have a great dad, but a nuttier than a fruitcake mother. I have an incredibly large and fabulous group of friends, and yet I’m in therapy.
So against my better judgement but at the advice of a friend, I’m going to attempt to blog. I’ve had a great life so don’t let my cynicism cloud the fact that I am actually a happy person, I am! There are just certain people in my life that will not go away……and they keep lobbing weeds into my garden (or so my therapist tells me). In an effort to get to the good stuff, I’m just going to share the latest regarding my ex-husband. We will, from this point forward, refer to him as Dumbass. In a nutshell, Dumbass and I divorced because he was a drug abusing, financially crippling narcissist. AND FYI: I enjoy full custody of my 2 children and I have a successful career. Onto the meat………..
Dumbass sent me an e-mail yesterday attempting to weasel his way out of paying court awarded child support for his two children. The long and short of it is that he went for over 2 years after our divorce with no award in place. That’s right, stupid me! Actually he refused to work so the support order would have gone against me. However this last Spring a very smart judge reduced Dumbass’s visitation (for a variety of reasons) and granted a support award, and a nice fat big one at that! Can you guess what happened? That’s right, he quit his job.
Eventually Dumbass figured out that he needed to work and found a job, making substantially less then he had before. I have no doubt that he did this on purpose and after you get to know him, I’m sure you’ll agree. Anyway, I read and re-read this e-mail several times over……and then came waves of anger, waves of laughter, waves of shame…..and now I’m sea sick. Here it is:
