Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: attorney, bitch, divorce, ex-husband, ex-wife, firm, lawyers, marriage, money, refarral
I am stunned by the amount of people and the “type” of people that are getting divorced these days….stunned! Recovering Straight Girl and I were the first in a long line of small town divorces but it would almost appear these days to have hit epidemic proportions. I hear of people from every walk of life, every religion and many that have several children and have been married forever! But that’s not what this post is about, it’s about my comical experience with a horrible Amazon-type divorce attorney that I hired….and then fired, several years ago.
Since I happen to know a few of the people getting divorces around town and since many of them know that I’ve “been there, done that” I find that I’m somehow a resource for other women looking for a good lawyer. I’ve had four. This is the story of the one that I DO NOT recommend….unless I’m feeling truly naughty and I don’t like the person that I’m giving a referral to.
Understanding that my previous marriage was over and that I needed to hire an attorney, I went on the advice of my old boss who recommended this particular woman because “she caused me to loose everything”. That’s right, my boss recommended his ex-wife’s attorney, not his own. (By the way, I’m not going to tell you who she is because frankly, I’m afraid of her!)
So I contacted the attorney, set up an appointment and when the day came I drove downtown to the 3 story brick office building that housed “The Firm”. I had been having a pretty bad week and was not in the best mental shape by the time I got into the office and I was ushered into a very small, very private waiting room. It was an odd room but I was told that this attorney had many high-profile clients and “discretion was of the utmost importance”. That of course made me feel pretty special until I then realized that special equaled $$$$$$$$$$.
So I sat in the little room, surrounded by books about divorce and parenting and I waited, and waited, and waited. Every once in a while I could overhear the secretary talking on the phone, then the attorney would come through the intercom and request something from her, then there would be silence until the attorney would request something else. The attorney’s voice was getting increasingly louder and more demanding as I listened until at one point I heard her door fly open and she was actually yelling at her secretary….I mean yelling! She was bitching her out, up one side and down the other and all of a sudden the door of the little room I was sitting in swung open and I know that my eyes popped out of my head as I stared up at this woman of at least 6 foot 6 inches and 250 pounds who was appologizing profusely at having made me wait…..it was a very scary site. And of course I was pissed at having to have waited for over half an hour but there was no way I was going to tell her that, no way! My response was more like “Oh no, that’s okay….I’m sorry to have upset you for waiting….”. The secretary was in tears, seriously, she was sobbing and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell I was getting into.
The next 2 hours consisted of similar behavior by both of us. Me acting like a broken woman and her mentally and emotionally beating me up. At one point I was crying….and I swear I thought she was going to slap me, I SWEAR IT! I think that if she could have she would have. I kept wondering what the hell I was paying for, no one deserved that kind of ass kicking.
This went on for about an hour. She sat in a comfy chair opposite mine, shoes off with her skirt hiked up over her knees so that she could get her fat cankles tucked under her butt while her black tights screamed to be two sizes larger, lecturing me on a lesson in Narcicism (pointing to my future ex-husbands biggest flaw) she said to me “and I think you’re a Narcicist too.” “What?” I asked, through tears and sobs, “why would you say that?” and she responded “Because you called me. I work with celebrities and people with money and you had to have the biggest attorney in town because you think you’re so special. Guess what? You can’t afford me.”
That was the “epiphany” moment, the moment I knew I was right where I should be because every thread of my being was saying “I’ll show her!” and I really started listening to what she was saying. It was sales pitch, and a damn good one (I get that now). I began to wonder how many other people had come into her office meak as a mouse and had left there feeling truly empowered because God knew, I was one. I would show her, and my future ex-husband would fear for the wrath of this bitch!
The second hour was much different. She caused me to really think about the position that I was in and how to empower myself. She snapped me back into reality and helped build up my self-esteem that had been so torn down. As our meeting came to a close I plunked down the $10,000 retainer fee and I felt better then I had in weeks, and I felt better equipt to deal with the issues at home.
Not long after that I was passed down to a lesser known attorney at the firm and eventually I was passed down to an even lesser known attorney and I began to feel as though no one really gave a shit, they just wanted my money, and they got it. They got almost the entire $10,000 before I fired them and hired another more responsive attorney that finished out my divorce, to my satisfaction.
I will say that that experience taught me a tremendous amount. In all reality my entire divorce did wonders for me, it completely changed my life and it changed it for the better. There’s an old saying that is one of my favorites: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, and I’m living proof of that. That divorce ended up costing me about $31,000 in the end but what I got out of it mentally and emotionally was priceless.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: coach, custody, divorce, friends, law, mediation, real estate, therapy
Wow, it’s been way too long since my last post…..that means that either Summer is here, I’ve been too busy with work, or my life has been so boring that I have nothing to write about. The answer lies with the first 2 options, certainly my life has not been boring!
Not a week goes by that I don’t get a phone call from a friend or an acquaintance that wants to pick my brain about either divorce or child custody. It’s strange. Why me? Am I an expert simply for the fact that I’ve been through a divorce and have battled over parenting issues? Maybe; or maybe it’s that I’m the only person they know that has been through these most unpleasant of experiences. Either way, I’ve become a therapist, a mediator, a coach and there’s a strong possibility that one could argue that I’ve been practicing law without a licence! So the question is: Should I change careers (because I should start charging for my services) or should I continue in real estate where my income has greatly decreased while my work load and stress has significantly increased??
And if I were going to contemplate a career move, which career should I choose? I’m compassionate and sympathetic so a therapist would be a good move. However, I’m also motivational and enjoy helping others achieve their goals so coaching could be rewarding too. Many would say that I’m somewhat (highly) arguementative and stubborn so the law would be a good move and may possibly help out with the income issue. Any one of these choices would work however they would involve additional education and I’m not sure that I’m up for that, mentally or financially!
So this whole post is a little tongue and cheek but I’m curious to see what my readers (most of whom are my friends) think that I should do. And this seems like a perfectly good time for a survey so let me know what you think and in my next post I’m going to tell you a story of intrigue and terror, I promise!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bubble, college, divorce, dreams, gossip, kids, military, police, small town
Someone wise and smart once noted: “The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else always does.” Amen. I live in what was once considered a small town but although it’s grown substantially since I moved here 15 years ago, it has still managed to maintain a small town mentality and identity. That has it’s pluses and it’s negatives as you might imagine!
A few of the plusses include knowing where the kids are most of the time and what they’re up to, knowing enough people around town to always be in the know about local businesses, knowing the local police officers (that can be a negative too!), and finding out who’s doing what (a.k.a. gossip).
The kids really can’t get away with much around here. I find out from other moms when my son’s been in trouble on the bus and I hear about who his latest “girlfriend” is (if you can call them that at 12). When they tell me they’re going to be someplace it’s easy to run into them out and about…..it’s a small town and they generally have to walk or bike wherever they go. I think that it’s pretty safe and I know that we’re very lucky to live in this sheltered bubble. But then again I worry because I know that the real world outside of our bubble isn’t that safe and isn’t so pretty. That’s okay, college will straighten them out…..or better yet, the military.
Now, on to the negatives of living in a small town where everyone knows your buisness. This one’s my favorite: running into people who like to tell me that they ran into my ex-husband at the bar. I never hear of them running into him anywhere else…..that’s odd. I hate that. Or how about this one: there is no such thing as a silent/quiet divorce in a small town! I’m not the only person to have had that experience and since it would seem that half of the town is doing it these days it just becomes depressing to find out that people I knew well, partied with, whose children attended the same pre-school as mine are now in financial distress and divorce. YUCK!
MFH and I have talked a lot about leaving. Given the economy I would pack it all up and move to some other country in a heartbeat but then reality takes a baseball bat and hits me in the head and the idea is gone as fast as it came. Every time I think “FLEE, RUN, FASTER…..FASTER!!” I hit that brick wall that I like to call my children and I’m reminded that they need the stability of the small town environment in these most unstable of times.
So I guess we’ll be here for another 7 years or so. Long enough to hope for a housing market rebound and for the kids to be off at college. Then we’ll pack up and high tail it to an exotic island in the Carribean……or Mexico maybe! I doubt that will happen but one can dream!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: dark, divorce, friends, happiness, honor, light, love, marriage, new life, results
Hi all, I know that you’re dying to find out what the results of the poll are. In all honesty there’s no real surprise and here they are:
The Question was posed: When is the appropriate time to remove the exterior Christmas lights?
50% Believe that it should be by the 12th Day of Christmas
38% Believe it to be between Christmas and New Years
and 13% Opted for “Other” citing that it should be done in January, by the 31st or by Epiphany
We had 0 votes for “by Valentine’s day” (thank you) and we had 0 votes for leaving them up “year round” (thank you again, it’s nice to know that I don’t have any white trash reading my blog).
Now, on to today’s story. So this morning after my walk with BFD I came home and gave my husband a big kiss and hug and let him know how much I loved him! I should do that everyday but sometimes “life” gets in the way and I don’t always think about it. This morning was different. Half way through our walk I thought about getting home and hugging him as quickly as possible and here’s why. BFD has some dysfunction in her marriage and I don’t want to take sides but it’s hard not to when you hear her side, so I choose hers and the entire walk was spent talking about her husband and their issues.
I’m not going to go into details about her relationship, that’s not my story, that would be hers. I mention this scenario this morning because so much of what she said to me and so much of what she described reminded me of my horrible first marriage to Dumbass. The behavior that her husband is exhibiting, the maniacal way he’s spinning situations, the constant lies and denial, and his addictive personality made my stomach churn. I kept telling her that I knew how she felt and I meant it.
It brought back so many bad memories but it also made me realize what I have today. I would never compare MFH with Dumbass, there is no comparison. It’s been over 3 years since my emotional departure from Dumbass and I cannot ever imagine that I stayed in that relationship for as long as I did. To think back on some of the majorly fucked up (sorry, that’s the only word to describe it….I tried to think of others but they couldn’t hold a candle to that one) crap that he pulled on me makes me sick. I used to blame myself because I was pissed that I stuck it out for so long but today I’m just proud that I got out when I did.
It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, believe me I know but it’s also darkest before the dawn. It’s so hard to see that when your world is currently dark though. MFH has reminded me often that had it not been for me “sticking it out” we never may have met when we did. After a year and a half of marriage to a wonderful, honest, caring man I think that I may be taking him for granted. I expect that he’ll take care of certain things and he does. I expect that he’ll work hard, and he does. I expect that he’ll selflessly love me and my children, and he does. I live in a whole other world than the one I was in three years ago, this ones very bright.
So how do you tell someone that it’s okay to “walk toward the light” so to speak? In other words, I want to shake my friend and say “Don’t you hear yourself? You’re miserable, divorce him!!” She doesn’t need him, in fact he’s kind of a sponge. But then since I’ve been through a successful divorce maybe I’m biased. Maybe I’m the wrong person to talk to because I’m so quick to yell “GET RID OF HIM! DIVORCE THE DUMB SHIT!” Either way that’s kind of what I did, just more tactfully, kind of 
So I came home from our walk with a heavy heart; hurting for my friend and hungering for the arms of my fabulous husband. And now I realize that I should make yet another New Years Resolution, but this is one I’ll keep: I resolve to tell my husband daily (okay a more realistic time-frame may be weekly) how much he is appreciated and loved. (BTW MFH, if you’re reading this it doesn’t apply to “Flag Football”!!!! read blog post from 11/17/08 )
And now I must work!
