Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: coach, custody, divorce, friends, law, mediation, real estate, therapy
Wow, it’s been way too long since my last post…..that means that either Summer is here, I’ve been too busy with work, or my life has been so boring that I have nothing to write about. The answer lies with the first 2 options, certainly my life has not been boring!
Not a week goes by that I don’t get a phone call from a friend or an acquaintance that wants to pick my brain about either divorce or child custody. It’s strange. Why me? Am I an expert simply for the fact that I’ve been through a divorce and have battled over parenting issues? Maybe; or maybe it’s that I’m the only person they know that has been through these most unpleasant of experiences. Either way, I’ve become a therapist, a mediator, a coach and there’s a strong possibility that one could argue that I’ve been practicing law without a licence! So the question is: Should I change careers (because I should start charging for my services) or should I continue in real estate where my income has greatly decreased while my work load and stress has significantly increased??
And if I were going to contemplate a career move, which career should I choose? I’m compassionate and sympathetic so a therapist would be a good move. However, I’m also motivational and enjoy helping others achieve their goals so coaching could be rewarding too. Many would say that I’m somewhat (highly) arguementative and stubborn so the law would be a good move and may possibly help out with the income issue. Any one of these choices would work however they would involve additional education and I’m not sure that I’m up for that, mentally or financially!
So this whole post is a little tongue and cheek but I’m curious to see what my readers (most of whom are my friends) think that I should do. And this seems like a perfectly good time for a survey so let me know what you think and in my next post I’m going to tell you a story of intrigue and terror, I promise!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: birthdays, cigarettes, daughters, Dr. Laura, friends, girls, kids, mistakes, parenting, priorities, smoking, stupidity, teenagers
Tomorrow FD turns 14.I can’t believe it, seriously, I cannot believe that I have a 14 year old…..who’s half an inch taller than me, and I’m not short! It got me thinking about all of the stupid stuff I did at her age, and it made me very thankful that I’m a much more involved parent than CAM ever was (but this is not about CAM!).
By the time I reached the age of 14 I had already tried my first cigarette (and that’s all I’m telling you about). I will NEVER forget this story, mainly because I learned what an incredible idiot I was. I was about 12 or 13 and CAM was always working all the time, she didn’t get home until late. My friend Lisa was planning on coming over after school and when we got home she produced a cigarette that she had stolen from her mom. We really had no idea what to do with it but we were so excited we couldn’t stand it! Since we were so afraid that someone would see us, we decided that the best place to try this cancer stick would be in my bathroom, window open, fan on……that should take care of the smell right? Wrong. CAM came home about 2 hours after we had lit up and she could smell it from the front door to the back of the house. I was toast, as usual. Funny thing was that her ranting was so normal that I think I took to tuning her out really well. I’ve repressed the memories of the punishments……that’s not a joke, I seriously don’t remember what happened even though I know I was punished!
My point is that with everything that the kids are being taught in school there is no way that FD would even think about trying a smoke. The schools have these kids scared so straight I am amazed. And I’m not the only mom that feels this way. When I talk to other moms about what we did at this age versus what our girls are doing now we all laugh and thank God that we’re able to keep better track of our kids. And maybe that’s why we do it. CAM didn’t make me a priority and most of my other friends had moms that worked and simply trusted that the kids would be okay and stay out of trouble. But for those of us that got into trouble we’re so knowledgeable about what the kids could be doing that we’ve made a conscious effort to be home when the kids get home from school or volunteer in the classroom or get to know our kids’ friends parents or install home alarm systems in an effort to keep the kids in (not burglars out)!
Either way I’m thankful for the fact that the schools are doing a great job with drug and tobacco education, that there are people like Dr. Laura who aren’t afraid to tell people that kids are the priority, NOT careers and I’m mostly thankful for the knowledge that I gained through my own stupidity. My hope is that my children learn from my mistakes and that they benefit from my knowledge of what NOT to do! Well, one can hope!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bad smell, college, friends, geeks, odor, offensive, personal hygiene, pungent, radio, scent, smell, stinky
This morning I was reminded of an incident that took place while I was in college. I was friends with a large group of very diverse people and we were all involved with the local college radio station. I was the News Director and had a couple of shows. One was a talk show the other a mid-day “All-request Friday” show. There were several other executive postions that were filled by other students and of course we filled all of the on-air slots as well. If you know anything about college radio then you know that it’s usually pretty raw, unscripted and not exactly professional, and the students that are involved are usually not the most professional either.
Most of the executive positions were filled by vote and all of the station members were given the opportunity to nominate and vote for the best person to hold various duties. We weren’t paid we just got the glory and recognition of being local radio personalities and we thought we were pretty cool. In reality I think that we were the most eclectic mix of mismatched students to walk the school campus and many of us were pretty geeky. I’m not saying that I was geeky (of course not), just that there were quite a few people associated with the radio station that would be considered “geeks”. (Kind of like the audio/visual club geeks from high school…..get it? They transitioned well into college radio!)
So during my Sophomore year there was only one person who wanted and was nominated for the more complex position of Station Manager. His name was Mike. Mike was a really nice guy and he was perfect for the job. He had “High School Audio/Visual Club” written all over him and he was not only flattered that we would nominate him and vote him in but he was also extremely proud to take on the role of Station Manager (and we were way to nice to tell him that he only got the job because no one else wanted it).
As nice and as hard-working and as wonderful as Mike was he had one fatal flaw……he may have had more but this was the only one we saw, or rather smelled because it was so overwhelming that it was hard not to notice. He smelled, BAD. The problem was that Mike was a smoker and I was also convinced that he wasn’t a friend of the laundromat. Oh, and he wore the same jeans jacket every day, and maybe the same jeans but no one ever asked so we’re not positive about his pants. Combine the smell of smoke with the smell of a daily worn jeans jacket that may never have seen a washing machine and you have a recipe for disaster. The real problem was that while we could smell this pungent odor, he could not.
It truly was an offensive odor and since no one ever said anything about it, I thought that I must have super human smell ability! Then one evening while I was sitting around with a group of friends from the station the “Mike Smells Talk” occurred. Mike wasn’t there so it was a great opportunity to get it out in the open. We all sat in disbelief as each one of us ripped on Mike about how horrible he smelled. Everyone went on and on with stories that included having to be in the sound room with him (a small 5X5 room) for hours, to leaving meetings early and coming up with lies in an effort to get away from him. He was clueless! So we devised a plan whereby my friend Janelle would take Mike aside and tell him as kindly as possible that he needed to do something about his odiferousness (my made up word). They were really good friends and I’m pretty sure that he wanted to be more than just her friend so Janelle was the best person for the job, hands down.
She reported back a few days later that her conversation with Mike had been a fabulous success. She gave him great suggestions as to how to get cleaned up and stay clean. She was comprehensive in her conversation to include what detergent to use, how to do laundry, how not to smoke in confined places etc. She was thorough and Mike took it all very well. She convinced him that this was not anything that had been publicly discussed (lie) and that talking to him was all her idea (lie X 2).
Mike’s transformation was noticeable. The following week is was apparent that he had taken Janelle’s advice. He smelled “decent”, had bought new cologne, was non offensive and we were all very pleased with our friend…..but that was short lived. Eventually the odor returned and our group rallied Janelle to the rescue one more time but it was in vain. She felt that she had done all that she could and aside from offering to do his laundry for him none of us could come up with another option, Mr. Stinky was back and more pungent than ever, with the new scent of Polo to attempt to mask what could never be contained.
I swear to you, I can still recall that smell and that was 18 years ago. After reading what I’ve written I have to wonder whatever happened to Mike; what did he do after college? What career path did he follow? Did he marry and have little Mr. Stinkies? Most importantly did he ever clean up his act for good, start doing laundry on a regular basis and give up smoking forever?? Fear has trapped me from finding the answers to my questions……the fear that I may smell that smell again if I go looking, and it’s really not worth knowing!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: dark, divorce, friends, happiness, honor, light, love, marriage, new life, results
Hi all, I know that you’re dying to find out what the results of the poll are. In all honesty there’s no real surprise and here they are:
The Question was posed: When is the appropriate time to remove the exterior Christmas lights?
50% Believe that it should be by the 12th Day of Christmas
38% Believe it to be between Christmas and New Years
and 13% Opted for “Other” citing that it should be done in January, by the 31st or by Epiphany
We had 0 votes for “by Valentine’s day” (thank you) and we had 0 votes for leaving them up “year round” (thank you again, it’s nice to know that I don’t have any white trash reading my blog).
Now, on to today’s story. So this morning after my walk with BFD I came home and gave my husband a big kiss and hug and let him know how much I loved him! I should do that everyday but sometimes “life” gets in the way and I don’t always think about it. This morning was different. Half way through our walk I thought about getting home and hugging him as quickly as possible and here’s why. BFD has some dysfunction in her marriage and I don’t want to take sides but it’s hard not to when you hear her side, so I choose hers and the entire walk was spent talking about her husband and their issues.
I’m not going to go into details about her relationship, that’s not my story, that would be hers. I mention this scenario this morning because so much of what she said to me and so much of what she described reminded me of my horrible first marriage to Dumbass. The behavior that her husband is exhibiting, the maniacal way he’s spinning situations, the constant lies and denial, and his addictive personality made my stomach churn. I kept telling her that I knew how she felt and I meant it.
It brought back so many bad memories but it also made me realize what I have today. I would never compare MFH with Dumbass, there is no comparison. It’s been over 3 years since my emotional departure from Dumbass and I cannot ever imagine that I stayed in that relationship for as long as I did. To think back on some of the majorly fucked up (sorry, that’s the only word to describe it….I tried to think of others but they couldn’t hold a candle to that one) crap that he pulled on me makes me sick. I used to blame myself because I was pissed that I stuck it out for so long but today I’m just proud that I got out when I did.
It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, believe me I know but it’s also darkest before the dawn. It’s so hard to see that when your world is currently dark though. MFH has reminded me often that had it not been for me “sticking it out” we never may have met when we did. After a year and a half of marriage to a wonderful, honest, caring man I think that I may be taking him for granted. I expect that he’ll take care of certain things and he does. I expect that he’ll work hard, and he does. I expect that he’ll selflessly love me and my children, and he does. I live in a whole other world than the one I was in three years ago, this ones very bright.
So how do you tell someone that it’s okay to “walk toward the light” so to speak? In other words, I want to shake my friend and say “Don’t you hear yourself? You’re miserable, divorce him!!” She doesn’t need him, in fact he’s kind of a sponge. But then since I’ve been through a successful divorce maybe I’m biased. Maybe I’m the wrong person to talk to because I’m so quick to yell “GET RID OF HIM! DIVORCE THE DUMB SHIT!” Either way that’s kind of what I did, just more tactfully, kind of 
So I came home from our walk with a heavy heart; hurting for my friend and hungering for the arms of my fabulous husband. And now I realize that I should make yet another New Years Resolution, but this is one I’ll keep: I resolve to tell my husband daily (okay a more realistic time-frame may be weekly) how much he is appreciated and loved. (BTW MFH, if you’re reading this it doesn’t apply to “Flag Football”!!!! read blog post from 11/17/08 )
And now I must work!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: CVS pharmacy, daughters, friends, funny, humor, Menstral Cycle, menstruation, pads, Period, sex education, tampons
I felt like a change, I hope that you enjoy the new look of my site……I think it’s peaceful!
I must preface this post by saying that if you’re a man reading this, you may want to think twice. Although I think that this is an amusing little story about a mom explaining the facts of life to her daughter, a man may be put off. So there it is, I’ve given you fair warning!
4 years ago FD was about 10 and believe it or not she actually had friends that were starting to get their periods. (As a side note: I blame it on the hormones in milk and other food products, but I have nothing to back up this claim, it’s just my belief!) One evening she was complaining of a stomach ache and since I was so paranoid that she could be getting her period I decided that it might be time to have “the period talk” with her. I asked her to localize her pain. “Is it up here?” I inquired, placing my hand just below my chest “or is it down here?” I asked, very carefully placing my hand on my abdomen.
She must have thought I was nuts because that’s the look she gave me (and she gives me this look ALL of the time). Either way she informed me that she was sure that it was her stomach and not a pain in her abdomen. While this was a relief to me it also sparked the opportunity to ask her about her knowledge of the female anatomy. So I asked “Do you know what it looks like in here?” and I placed my hand back on my abdomen. She shook her head no and gave me an inquisitive look, so I made the suggestion that we find a picture of the female organs on the Internet.
Hind site is 20/20 and if I had to do it over again I would never have allowed my 10 year old to look over my shoulder while I googled “female organs”. It’s horrifying what you find……and it certainly sparks a whole plethora of questions! After my initial shock I suggested that FD “sit down and watch TV while “mommy finds an appropriate site to visit”.
Eventually I found the proper diagram and I invited FD back over so that I could show her where an egg develops and travels and what the uterus is all about. She seemed fascinated…..and then I got to the part about our “monthly visitor”. I prefer to call this visitor Flo, she visits every month, stays for about a week (just long enough to wear out a welcome), we’re glad when she leaves but we hope she comes again, same time, next month. OK, that’s not exactly how I explained it, but you get the idea. Speaking of ideas, I had what I thought, was another great one……..but remember hind site?
After I felt confident that she understood how periods worked, I decided to show her what tampons and pads look like and how they function. I thought back to an experiment that we did in sex education when I was in school. It must have had an impact on me because I can’t believe that I remembered it! Here’s what my health teacher did: she took a small glass of water and dunked a tampon into the glass. SLOWLY, the tampon soaked up the water, not all of it but enough that we all understood the concept.
Tampon technology has sure come a long way because that’s not exactly what happened in our experiment. I got the glass of water and went into the bathroom. I pulled out a REGULAR (not Super nor Super Duper) tampon and as I dropped it into the glass my FD and I watched in stunned silence as the tampon soaked up the entire glass of water in less than 1 second…..it may have even happened in a nano-second, it was that fast! She was horrified, completely freaked out, and I had a lot of explaining to do.
She vowed to never use a tampon and I was almost right there with her! I had to explain to her the science regarding the differences between certain substances but that really did nothing to calm her fears. In the end I apologized, threw out my mess and FD and I went back to what we were doing before our little chat began.
FD finally got her period recently and at an inopportune time…..while we were on vacation! I took her to the local CVS which was across the street from where we were staying and as we stood in front of the “wall of pads” we laughed hard about the different options. I had to explain that I had no idea what she should get since I used tampons, and based on our experiment from several years ago that was not an option for her. I asked her what her friends used and she gave me the “are you nuts” look again. It took a while but we finally settled on something with wings, to which I reminded her “when in doubt, take flight”!
I think that it’s great that I have a relationship with FD where we can laugh about “that time of the month”. Periods were no laughing matter when I was a kid….I was devastated and begged my mother not to tell anyone when I got mine. FD couldn’t wait to call her friends, she is proud and I am proud of her. Little does she know she has many, many years of fun times ahead!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: actions, awareness, cell phones, effects, English, friends, parenting, rude, rude behavior, treatment
Almost every weekday morning I meet up with my BFF D for about a 45 minute brisk walk through our neighborhood and around the local park, and sometimes MFH joins us. Without fail we run into several other people while we’re out, many of them the same people every day. We all have our routine. Every once in a while we’ll walk by someone we haven’t seen before and at least once a week we’ll walk by someone who doesn’t return our cheery “Good Morning!” This morning that got me thinking about how rude people can be. AND, whether we all know it or not how we respond and how others respond to us can affect us throughout the day!
Here is my top ten list of rude behavior:
10: Chain e-mails that are sent by supposed friends that tell you to either forward it on to ten other friends or “you will have a horrible day”! What the heck is that?? Nice “friend”!
9: People who drive 10 miles under the speed limit with only a single lane of traffic and a double yellow line. It doesn’t cost anything to pay attention!
8: People who allow their dogs to poop on the sidewalk and don’t pick it up…..even when there is a free baggy, next to the garbage can, within 10 feet of where the offending poop happened!
7: People who pretend to not speak English. It’s one thing to really not know the language but if you’re not going to try, at least learn how to apologize for it, in English!!
6: Not signaling when going for a right turn. MFH is famous for that. He’s been flipped off for not signaling more times than I can count….and he deserves it every time!
5: It’s rude when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store and a new checker opens their lane and then takes the LAST person in line….the one behind you. “I can help whoever is next” does not mean the person behind me! OH, and then I’m the rude one for pointing this out to the checker with a pleasant “I believe I was next”…..no, that’s just irritating.
4: This one is touchy: people who talk on their phone in public places AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS. The last part is the most important. I think that people should be able to converse on their cell phones but they need to be mindful of their surroundings.
3: Parents who do not control their children…….need I say more? Public displays of poor parenting should not be tolerated.
2: People who are chronically late. Oh wait, that’s me….but I’m admitting that I have a problem and I’m working on it. I’ve trained my friends and family to expect me 30 minutes late to any function, so it’s working!
1: AND the number one most rude thing that people do? When you are a pedestrian and a car will not stop to allow you (by law) to cross the road at a cross walk….and then when you pleasantly remind them that you have the right of way by either flipping them off or by yelling “Hey, thanks asshole!” they actually give you a dirty look! That’s just rude, and wrong!
A wise friend once made the suggestion that I keep a journal of all of the people that I came into contact with and how I responded to them throughout the day. When I say “came into contact with” I mean anyone from the gas station attendant to co-workers….EVERYONE. She said that after she had done this she became acutely aware of how her responses and actions toward other people could have affected them negatively and thus she changed her attitude to become a person that was more mindful of how she treated others. That’s a nice thought, in theory.
Me on the other hand? I’ll keep using my car’s horn, my hand gestures and my all around pleasant use of the English language to counteract the effects of rudeness!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: friends, funny, humorous, joke, thankful, thanks, Thanksgiving
Well, what else am I suppose to write about the day before “Eat Till You Puke” day? So here it goes:
I am thankful for…………
- My best girlfriends, who all hate the same assholes that I do; those are true friends!
- Sweat pants with adjustable waist bands, which I’ll be wearing tomorrow.
- My wonderful children because without them I would have no one to live vicariously through.
- My hair stylist. Whether you like the cut or not is not important…..she’s a miracle worker with the color, which covers the grey created by the last item that I’m thankful for!
- Benzoyle Peroxide and Retinol, which have saved my complexion and help keep me looking young (that would be in my humble opinion of course)
- My therapist, nuf said.
- MFH (My Fabulous Husband), who is so fun to laugh at…….I mean laugh WITH!
- The fact that Thanksgiving is only one day out of the whole year because if there was more than one a year I would weigh about 350lbs!
For all of these things and more I feel truly blessed and give thanks; and to all who took the time the read this: HAPPY THANKSGIVING and don’t forget…..elastic is your friend!
