Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: dark, divorce, friends, happiness, honor, light, love, marriage, new life, results
Hi all, I know that you’re dying to find out what the results of the poll are. In all honesty there’s no real surprise and here they are:
The Question was posed: When is the appropriate time to remove the exterior Christmas lights?
50% Believe that it should be by the 12th Day of Christmas
38% Believe it to be between Christmas and New Years
and 13% Opted for “Other” citing that it should be done in January, by the 31st or by Epiphany
We had 0 votes for “by Valentine’s day” (thank you) and we had 0 votes for leaving them up “year round” (thank you again, it’s nice to know that I don’t have any white trash reading my blog).
Now, on to today’s story. So this morning after my walk with BFD I came home and gave my husband a big kiss and hug and let him know how much I loved him! I should do that everyday but sometimes “life” gets in the way and I don’t always think about it. This morning was different. Half way through our walk I thought about getting home and hugging him as quickly as possible and here’s why. BFD has some dysfunction in her marriage and I don’t want to take sides but it’s hard not to when you hear her side, so I choose hers and the entire walk was spent talking about her husband and their issues.
I’m not going to go into details about her relationship, that’s not my story, that would be hers. I mention this scenario this morning because so much of what she said to me and so much of what she described reminded me of my horrible first marriage to Dumbass. The behavior that her husband is exhibiting, the maniacal way he’s spinning situations, the constant lies and denial, and his addictive personality made my stomach churn. I kept telling her that I knew how she felt and I meant it.
It brought back so many bad memories but it also made me realize what I have today. I would never compare MFH with Dumbass, there is no comparison. It’s been over 3 years since my emotional departure from Dumbass and I cannot ever imagine that I stayed in that relationship for as long as I did. To think back on some of the majorly fucked up (sorry, that’s the only word to describe it….I tried to think of others but they couldn’t hold a candle to that one) crap that he pulled on me makes me sick. I used to blame myself because I was pissed that I stuck it out for so long but today I’m just proud that I got out when I did.
It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, believe me I know but it’s also darkest before the dawn. It’s so hard to see that when your world is currently dark though. MFH has reminded me often that had it not been for me “sticking it out” we never may have met when we did. After a year and a half of marriage to a wonderful, honest, caring man I think that I may be taking him for granted. I expect that he’ll take care of certain things and he does. I expect that he’ll work hard, and he does. I expect that he’ll selflessly love me and my children, and he does. I live in a whole other world than the one I was in three years ago, this ones very bright.
So how do you tell someone that it’s okay to “walk toward the light” so to speak? In other words, I want to shake my friend and say “Don’t you hear yourself? You’re miserable, divorce him!!” She doesn’t need him, in fact he’s kind of a sponge. But then since I’ve been through a successful divorce maybe I’m biased. Maybe I’m the wrong person to talk to because I’m so quick to yell “GET RID OF HIM! DIVORCE THE DUMB SHIT!” Either way that’s kind of what I did, just more tactfully, kind of 
So I came home from our walk with a heavy heart; hurting for my friend and hungering for the arms of my fabulous husband. And now I realize that I should make yet another New Years Resolution, but this is one I’ll keep: I resolve to tell my husband daily (okay a more realistic time-frame may be weekly) how much he is appreciated and loved. (BTW MFH, if you’re reading this it doesn’t apply to “Flag Football”!!!! read blog post from 11/17/08 )
And now I must work!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Christianity, commandments, crazy, honor, humor, mom, mother
Last weekend FD, FS & I all attended church. MFH wasn’t feeling good and stayed home, or maybe that was just an excuse to skip church, you decide. We’re your average protestant family, we attend church about twice a month but always make it a priority to force it on the kids through confirmation classes!
So at the service the confirmants in FD’s class all had to memorize and recite the 10 Commandments. There are 5 kids in her class so each kid took 2 commandments, recited them and then explained them. In addition, the pastor used this as his sermon lesson for the day. It was pretty impressive, the kids did awesome!
But that’s not what this story is really about…..I just wanted to brag! No actually this is sort of about the commandment that says “Thou shalt honor they mother and thy father”. I’m not telling this story in an effort to get all preachy, I’m actually laying out the foundation of issues with my mother.
My mother is nuts. We call her CAM, Crazy Ass Mother. That’s not exactly what I would call “honoring” but I think I’m ok. I’ve pretty much fallen short on all of the commandments at some time or another (although I’m not a murderer or an adulterer) but I’m told that I’m forgiven so I’m good! Anyway, I don’t really talk to CAM anymore. I removed her from my life about 4 years ago, for good this time. There were other times that I tried to stay away but she kept pulling me back in. She really is truly messed up but I hope the best for her (and those around her) but I just cannot have her in my life, it’s a recipe for disaster……a pinch of grandiosity with a dash of boundrylessness (something my therapist put in my head).
CAM has always been a bit controlling and I’m sure that most of us would say something like that about our mom, that’s what they do. But her controlling behavior reached a new height when she found the Lord. Please don’t misunderstand! I think it’s great when anyone finds Jesus it’s just that SOME people become holier than thou, and that’s what happened in this case.
The last few times that I have had the misfortune of hearing from CAM it was to inform me and the kids (with a postcard) that she was in NY, attempting to convert the Jews or (by letter) asking us for a donation in her name so that she could go on a mission trip to India to save the Lost Tribe of Menashe (and I only remember the name of the tribe because there is a law firm here in town and Albert Menashe is the lead Partner!! LOL).
The last time that I actually saw her was about 2 years ago when MFH took me to visit my Gramma (not my crazy one) while she was recovering in a nursing home after a fall. When we got there we weren’t expecting CAM to be there also, that was a bonus. MFH had never met her before but had heard stories. The visit started out very nicely and CAM was making ME look like the crazy one…..she was on her best behavior, dammit! But it wasn’t long before the crazy came out and I felt redemption coming my way. She started questioning MFH about his salvation, his beliefs, his Savior etc……she even had the nerve to hand us some mini brochures about how we could find Jesus. My response: “Found him already, thanks!” Needless to say I was more than a little embarassed but MFH got the education that reinforced the decision to keep CAM out of our lives.
I have finally come to terms with my Christian guilt regarding the honoring of my mother. I think that the best way to “honor” her is to keep her away. God knows that if I let her back into my life she would make me crazy and I would probably end up breaking another commandment…….the REALLY bad one!
