Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Dr. Laura, job, mom, mother, mother's day, parenthood, success, thankless, worth
When I first became a mother over 14 years ago I was working retail at the local mall. I was 23, young and obviously dumb. I was working with a unique group of women far more experienced than me, in fact three of them were already grandmothers. One of these women was very wise, in fact I pretty much worshipped her. Because I feel the need to keep her identity a secret we’ll call her Mary (as in the blessed saint, and she’s Jewish so that’s actually funny!).
Mary had 2 children, both boys. By the time she and I had started working together her sons were pretty close to my age and Mary shared with me her desire to be a grandmother. In fact, when I found out that I was pregnant it was Mary that gave me my first baby gift, a teddy bear (which I cherish to this day…..but have no idea where it is).
After my beautiful baby girl was born I spent 2 months at home caring for her and then it was time to return to work (not a Dr. Laura fan at the time). I shared with Mary that I was overwhelmed by the fact that FD was not a great sleeper, an amazingly loud screamer and hungry ALL OF THE TIME. In other words motherhood was not what I had expected. In sharing these disappointments with Mary I was hoping for grace, understanding, guidance and hope. This is what I got (and it’s stuck with me over the last 14 years):
”Honey,” Mary said “I once took my boys to the doctor and told their doctor that I wanted to send them back!”
“Send them back?” I asked, not knowing that was possible…..but still somewhat hopeful.
Then, very delicately she said “I told him that I hated my children and that I could not be their mother.”
“Hated your children??” I exclaimed. And without saying it out loud I wondered “Who could HATE their own child?”
Sensing my unease Mary looked at me and said “My doctor assured me that this was simply a “faze” but trust me, some day you’ll be there too; you’ll know exactly what I mean.”
That story has haunted me to this day. I love my children, but I don’t always likethem. In the grand scheme of things it could be a lot worse but at the same time I could understand what Mary’s message was.
Parenting is a choice; and mostly the hardest choices are the ones that are of the most benefit to our kids, but we don’t see that at the time because it’s so much easier to give in to what they want so that they will stop complaining, or asking or screaming! So here are the choices:
- Be complete suck-up parents and give them everything they want.
- Be the complete opposite and have them grow up to hate you and everything you’ve ever done.
- Find the happy medium and then get screwed because they still hate you for not letting them do EVERYTHING that they want.
In other words we’re screwed. Funny thing is that I’m okay with that. I love my kids, they’re not my friends. I don’t think that I truly earned the “friend” distinction with my dad until only a few years ago and I’m pushing 40!
Being a mother is the hardest job on the planet and although I hear a lot of stories of mothers that say that it’s the most rewarding job ever, I’m sceptical. Being a mom never made me money, never made me feel “successful” and certainly hasn’t earned me any awards. So where is the reward? Is this the mind of a mother with teenagers, too overloaded and stressed? Or is this the mind of a woman who had children and expected way more than what the world could and/or should deliver?
It doesn’t really matter either way. I am a mom, I have a job and I’m doing it…..and that’s what moms everywhere do every day. It’s thankless and (yes even on Mother’s Day) it’s just what we do. So why is Mother’s Day only one day out of the year? Is that all that we’re worth?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: attitude, career, economy, housing market, job, job loss, life, money, real estate, work
So BFF J and I had a bit of a heart to heart this afternoon. It seems that earlier today she received her “pink slip”. This was not altogether unexpected as she’s been working on contract for a large trucking company, and we all know how well trucking companies are doing in this less than stellar economy. She’s not too upset about it though and I envy her for that. Most people haven’t been as smart as she and her husband when it comes to finances and she doesn’t have to work so she’s among the lucky few. I spent some time crying the blues about the real estate market too. The funny thing is that I’m still working, I’m just not making money!
So when I started selling real estate in 2003 the housing market was actually pretty slow, by “normal” standards. It gradually improved and by 2005 I could hardly keep up with the work load. I was a complete idealist, I was in the business to help people make their dreams of home ownership come true. I know that sounds sappy and Saccharine but it really is the truth. In the height of the market, somewhere between 2004-2005, I was writing a crazy amount of contracts on homes for clients that would stand in line or draw lottery numbers or even over-pay for a house! Nowadays I’m fortunate to write one contract a month (for a buyer) and I’m lucky to see an offer on a home. Oddly enough I’m working less but netting about the same and here’s why: in a boom only about 25-50% of my offers were accepted and today they all get accepted because everyone knows how rare it is to actually see an offer.
The gradual downward progression from optimism to pessimism usually doesn’t happen overnight and mine has been no exception. I think that it really began with my first sale related to a divorce. Prior to that all of the sellers that I had worked with were either relocating and/or moving on up….happy reasons to move! Shortly after the first divorce clients, the second followed and then the “downsizers”; clients that were looking to downsize their existing home and get something smaller, for a variety of reasons but usually financial. Then came the “job loss” clients. We were still in a decent financial market, housing prices were stabilizing and I could still help these people get out with equity……..they were the lucky ones. The “job loss” clients were followed all too closely by the “short sellers”, which is where I find myself today.
The “short sellers” are the most depressing group of clients that I could ever hope to NOT work with yet this is where I find myself today. See, the “short sellers” have NOTHING (for the most part) and many of them are in divorce…..the ultimate double whammy! These are people that (more than likely) at some point had equity in their home but the problem is that the market has dropped so dramatically that their homes are no longer worth what they owe on them. AND to make matters worse, for a variety of reasons they cannot afford to stay in their home.
Do you see my decline? So I went from helping people live the co-called American Dream to helping people throw it away, get rid of it, destroy it, and pretty much trash it. Don’t get me wrong, many of these people have made very bad choices that got them into the bad situations they’re in, but many of them are still making those same bad choices and they just want a free ride.
So therein lies my dilemma, my sour attitude toward a career and business that was once my passion has affected my mental state to the point where I do not want to be a Realtor anymore. To make matters worse, I’m not the only one. There are a tremendous amount of Realtors getting out of the market and I can understand why! To a certain extent I’ve reached survival mode, which sucks. I do not work well in survival mode because it’s all about making money and making money is not my passion, that’s just a bonus 
So BFF J and I are trying to figure out what we want to be when we grow up. She sees her pink slip as the golden ticket to finding her passion and an open gate to several self-fulfilling opportunities (my words, not hers). I see the down market and my steadily worsening attitude as an invitation to begin anew, attempt a new adventure……….or I could crawl into a hole hoping that when things get better someone might come and take me back to the party. Well, one can dream and one can survive. Either way I know that wherever we land it’s where we’re suppose to be…………right?
