Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: birthday, Christianity, crazy, elderly, family, God, grandmother, guilt, Jesus, mother, religion
Hello my faithful friends, readers and curiosity freaks…..life’s good!
So I came home after a fun-filled and much deserved week long vacation with the family to find an e-mail in my inbox from CAM (Crazy Ass Mother……which is literally what my mother is). This was a surprise because CAM and I don’t communicate….or at least I don’t make it a habit to communicate with her cause SHE’s CRAZY (cue the cuckoo clock sound).
Anyway, long story short….I was pissed. I have spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars trying to get over the fact that up until I was 14 I was raised by a raging alcoholic self-centered slut bitch (sorry for the fowl mouth but it is what it is). In fact, in the last 5 years I’ve been fairly successful at keeping her at bay (as you will read in her own words).
Let me set the stage for the e-mail rant that I received; and know that you will have the opportunity to read it in it’s entirety for that is how I have chosen to respond…..to share it with everyone I know, and a few that I don’t! My grandmother turned 90 this last July and CAM somehow positioned herself as the person responsible for setting up the party (consisting of mostly other elderly people and a small amount of family). My family, MFH, FD, FS and myself were the only people coming in from out of town (party in Tacoma, Washington). I was informed that the party was to take place on Sunday the 5th of July at 10am. In fact this was the message left on my cell phone by CAM:
SUGARY, FAKE TALK: “Hi Stacy it’s mom (which irritates me when she calls herself that), I wanted to let you know that Gramma’s party is going to be on Sunday July 5th at 10am. Now I know that it’s not a convenient time…….but I hope that you can make it.”
I know that you don’t know her but trust me when I tell you she did this on purpose! Why wouldn’t someone that wanted me and my family to be there ask me my opinion BEFORE making the reservations? She didn’t give a shit, that’s why.
Now, to really understand the family dynamic I would have to spend hours writing and I’m sure you would be bored beyond belief so I’ll spare you…..because I care 
Long story short, we didn’t go, it wasn’t convenient and frankly if I was being dead honest I didn’t want to be around CAM, at all.
So it’s a month later and I haven’t talked with my Grandmother since I sent her a beautiful bouquet of flowers on her birthday and instead I get the following e-mail from CAM:
“I really don’t know where to begin to say what needs to be said. Guess I’ll dive right in.
Your hurtfulness knows no bounds, but I’m thinking you know that. It’s a travesty that you have kept your children from their grandmother, from the fun and nurturing they’d have in relationship with me, for well over 5 years. Your bitterness towards me has now slopped over onto your grandmother, who has always loved you so much, and the kids’ great-grandmother, who celebrated a rare and precious event, her 90th birthday, without them. Since then, you’ve been intent on self-justification and accusations as reasons for not attending. Forget it. It’s over. I’m truly sad because your bitterness is only hurting you, and your family.
Stacy, no one is saved and secure in his or her eternal destiny by occupying a church pew, by saying “grace” before meals, by confirmation, baptism, church traditions, or membership. And if you’re not walking with the Lord, you are His enemy……in rebellion against God. Your hard-heartedness towards me is proof that you’re not saved, because you could not do what you’ve done for the past 5+ years if you were. It’s just not spiritually possible. But today, right now, you can cry out to Jesus to save you, and He will give you a brand-new heart, as the Bible says, “…a heart of flesh.”
You missed a wonderful celebration of Grandma’s birthday……90!!! And she’s totally “with it,” works the crosswords, drives very well, cares for her home and cats, etc….etc!!!! And most important of all, my mom and I enjoy one another, share love and fun, and just wish we had more time together. Now that’s the “fruit of the Spirit,” nothing that Mom or I have done, but totally the answer to prayer and the work of God. Not attending Grandma’s party was your loss. Sure, your grandmother was hurt, terribly hurt, and I’d have loved to see you all. But we had a great time, made memories, and shared great joy, all gifts from God. We were truly blessed.
I pray to God every day to save you, but first you must be broken, just like everybody else. I pray for that, because there is absolutely nothing more important than your salvation….nothing. Stacy, my precious daughter, I beg you to turn from your bitterness and unloving ways, repent of your sins, surrender your life to the One who loves you more than any person ever could. He’ll never let you down. And when you get that new heart, let’s get together and share the love God plants in the hearts of those who believe on the matchless name of the Savior, Jesus.
I love you. Mom”
And you wonder why it’s cost so much to work out my issues with this woman? She doesn’t even know what the word “saved” means! I like Kat’s response when I read her this e-mail. She said “tell her that you spoke with Jesus and he told you that she is bat-shit crazy and that you should stay away from her!”
That’s really what I wanted to say but I thought about it overnight and when I woke up I realized that was what CAM was hoping for, a response. And she would take any response. So I decided not to give her the satisfaction of a response at all (cue the evil laugh).
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Dr. Laura, job, mom, mother, mother's day, parenthood, success, thankless, worth
When I first became a mother over 14 years ago I was working retail at the local mall. I was 23, young and obviously dumb. I was working with a unique group of women far more experienced than me, in fact three of them were already grandmothers. One of these women was very wise, in fact I pretty much worshipped her. Because I feel the need to keep her identity a secret we’ll call her Mary (as in the blessed saint, and she’s Jewish so that’s actually funny!).
Mary had 2 children, both boys. By the time she and I had started working together her sons were pretty close to my age and Mary shared with me her desire to be a grandmother. In fact, when I found out that I was pregnant it was Mary that gave me my first baby gift, a teddy bear (which I cherish to this day…..but have no idea where it is).
After my beautiful baby girl was born I spent 2 months at home caring for her and then it was time to return to work (not a Dr. Laura fan at the time). I shared with Mary that I was overwhelmed by the fact that FD was not a great sleeper, an amazingly loud screamer and hungry ALL OF THE TIME. In other words motherhood was not what I had expected. In sharing these disappointments with Mary I was hoping for grace, understanding, guidance and hope. This is what I got (and it’s stuck with me over the last 14 years):
”Honey,” Mary said “I once took my boys to the doctor and told their doctor that I wanted to send them back!”
“Send them back?” I asked, not knowing that was possible…..but still somewhat hopeful.
Then, very delicately she said “I told him that I hated my children and that I could not be their mother.”
“Hated your children??” I exclaimed. And without saying it out loud I wondered “Who could HATE their own child?”
Sensing my unease Mary looked at me and said “My doctor assured me that this was simply a “faze” but trust me, some day you’ll be there too; you’ll know exactly what I mean.”
That story has haunted me to this day. I love my children, but I don’t always likethem. In the grand scheme of things it could be a lot worse but at the same time I could understand what Mary’s message was.
Parenting is a choice; and mostly the hardest choices are the ones that are of the most benefit to our kids, but we don’t see that at the time because it’s so much easier to give in to what they want so that they will stop complaining, or asking or screaming! So here are the choices:
- Be complete suck-up parents and give them everything they want.
- Be the complete opposite and have them grow up to hate you and everything you’ve ever done.
- Find the happy medium and then get screwed because they still hate you for not letting them do EVERYTHING that they want.
In other words we’re screwed. Funny thing is that I’m okay with that. I love my kids, they’re not my friends. I don’t think that I truly earned the “friend” distinction with my dad until only a few years ago and I’m pushing 40!
Being a mother is the hardest job on the planet and although I hear a lot of stories of mothers that say that it’s the most rewarding job ever, I’m sceptical. Being a mom never made me money, never made me feel “successful” and certainly hasn’t earned me any awards. So where is the reward? Is this the mind of a mother with teenagers, too overloaded and stressed? Or is this the mind of a woman who had children and expected way more than what the world could and/or should deliver?
It doesn’t really matter either way. I am a mom, I have a job and I’m doing it…..and that’s what moms everywhere do every day. It’s thankless and (yes even on Mother’s Day) it’s just what we do. So why is Mother’s Day only one day out of the year? Is that all that we’re worth?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: care, Chuck E. Cheese, daughter, doctors, drugs, funny, girls, horses, injury, kids, laughter, mother, nurses, surgery
I am a complete mess! I’m typing with my left hand only and my brain is going much faster than my hand can work and it’s making me nuts!!
Yesterday I had surgery on my right arm/elbow to repair a torn tendon. The injury occurred last July when i fell off of a horse, but on the advice of my primary care doctor (who diagnosed me with tennis elbow) I suffered through therapy and a shot. When the shot wore off I bypassed my doctor and went directly to a specialist who gave me a proper diagnosis and wa-la, I have a 70-90% chance that I’ll be all better, eventually.
But that’s not what this post is about. This post is about my FD. How could this have anything to do with FD you ask? Well, my biggest fear with this surgery was I had to go under anesthesia and that reminded of the time that FD got her adenoids removed.
She was only 5 years old and had been having chronic ear infections since she was 2 months old. After years of antibiotics I reached a boiling point, insisting that her pediatrician send her to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. He did and it was determined that the tonsils were fine but the adenoids had to go and she would be fitted with tubes to help her ear drums drain. This is a pretty standard procedure so we weren’t too worried, just happy that she would find relief!
The day of the surgery we arrived at the hospital. Both of my kids are pretty brave but FD is the most stoic, she wasn’t worried at all. The nurses were wonderful and took us both to the day surgerical prep room so that I could help her get into her gown. I kept assuring her that she would be fine and she kept telling ME that I had nothing to worry about and that she was fine. I reminded her again about our “deal’…..when she was all better I would take her to see the Italian rodent (aka: Chuck E. Cheese).
After she was prepped the nurse brought in a little shot glass of pink juice (happy medicine) and asked me to get her to drink it all down. I was told that this medicine was to help her “relax”, I didn’t know that she was getting high before my very eyes until she mentioned “Mommy, you have three heads”. “Really?” I responded, “and how many fingers am I holding up?” As I showed only one she responded that there were three! I began to chuckle which made her chuckle which made me laugh which made her laugh which made me cry and made her stop and say “wasso funnnnyyy?” which made me split my side open!
At this point the surgical nurse arrived and saw tears streaming down my face. She was so calm and caring when she tried to comfort what she thought was a mother in fear for her child’s life. She tried to tell me that “everything will be alright. This is a routine procedure and we’ll take very good care of your daughter.” As you can imagine this only made me laugh harder, which the nurse mistook for sobbing wails. I could hardly catch my breath enough to tell her that I was in hysterics because FD was higher than a kite and I hadn’t expected that at all! The nurse was not amused by this (apparently they come into contact with more crying parents than laughing) and she whisked my daughter away for her surgery.
She did great that morning! She was only in surgery for about an hour and when they came to the waiting room to bring me to see her the nurses were gushing about how great she was. they told me that most children wake up frightened but not FD, she woke up and announced “Now I get to go to Chuck E. Cheese!” The nurses were pretty impressed by that.
So I’m not going to Chuck E. Cheese anytime soon and it will be awhile before I go riding again….I think I like having the use of my right arm more than I like horses! When FD came home from school yesterday to see me laying in bed with my arm immobile and wrapped with a brace she was glad to see that I was OKand helped me get pillows to prop it up with. She’s 14 now and the tables have turned; I may need her more than she needs me or perhaps we’re even now. Either way we enjoy sharing funny memories like this one and I enjoy watching her grow into an amazing young woman!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Christianity, commandments, crazy, honor, humor, mom, mother
Last weekend FD, FS & I all attended church. MFH wasn’t feeling good and stayed home, or maybe that was just an excuse to skip church, you decide. We’re your average protestant family, we attend church about twice a month but always make it a priority to force it on the kids through confirmation classes!
So at the service the confirmants in FD’s class all had to memorize and recite the 10 Commandments. There are 5 kids in her class so each kid took 2 commandments, recited them and then explained them. In addition, the pastor used this as his sermon lesson for the day. It was pretty impressive, the kids did awesome!
But that’s not what this story is really about…..I just wanted to brag! No actually this is sort of about the commandment that says “Thou shalt honor they mother and thy father”. I’m not telling this story in an effort to get all preachy, I’m actually laying out the foundation of issues with my mother.
My mother is nuts. We call her CAM, Crazy Ass Mother. That’s not exactly what I would call “honoring” but I think I’m ok. I’ve pretty much fallen short on all of the commandments at some time or another (although I’m not a murderer or an adulterer) but I’m told that I’m forgiven so I’m good! Anyway, I don’t really talk to CAM anymore. I removed her from my life about 4 years ago, for good this time. There were other times that I tried to stay away but she kept pulling me back in. She really is truly messed up but I hope the best for her (and those around her) but I just cannot have her in my life, it’s a recipe for disaster……a pinch of grandiosity with a dash of boundrylessness (something my therapist put in my head).
CAM has always been a bit controlling and I’m sure that most of us would say something like that about our mom, that’s what they do. But her controlling behavior reached a new height when she found the Lord. Please don’t misunderstand! I think it’s great when anyone finds Jesus it’s just that SOME people become holier than thou, and that’s what happened in this case.
The last few times that I have had the misfortune of hearing from CAM it was to inform me and the kids (with a postcard) that she was in NY, attempting to convert the Jews or (by letter) asking us for a donation in her name so that she could go on a mission trip to India to save the Lost Tribe of Menashe (and I only remember the name of the tribe because there is a law firm here in town and Albert Menashe is the lead Partner!! LOL).
The last time that I actually saw her was about 2 years ago when MFH took me to visit my Gramma (not my crazy one) while she was recovering in a nursing home after a fall. When we got there we weren’t expecting CAM to be there also, that was a bonus. MFH had never met her before but had heard stories. The visit started out very nicely and CAM was making ME look like the crazy one…..she was on her best behavior, dammit! But it wasn’t long before the crazy came out and I felt redemption coming my way. She started questioning MFH about his salvation, his beliefs, his Savior etc……she even had the nerve to hand us some mini brochures about how we could find Jesus. My response: “Found him already, thanks!” Needless to say I was more than a little embarassed but MFH got the education that reinforced the decision to keep CAM out of our lives.
I have finally come to terms with my Christian guilt regarding the honoring of my mother. I think that the best way to “honor” her is to keep her away. God knows that if I let her back into my life she would make me crazy and I would probably end up breaking another commandment…….the REALLY bad one!
OK, maybe I’m the crazy one after all!!?? News channel 12 is coming over in one hour to test my children and I may have to turn in my “Mother of the Year” award because of it.
My friend Katie asked me to help her out. She’s a news writer for our local Fox affiliate and they are planning a show for the evening news for next month’s “sweeps week”. The idea is this: 1. No adults at home (I’ll be waiting down the street) 2. Have one of the guys from the studio come to the door of the home, ring the doorbell 3. See if the kids answer the door 4. Lesson learned: either I’m a good parent and the kids refuse to answer the door OR I’m doing a horrible job, they answer the door, admit that I’m gone then the news crew interviews me about what a horrible mother I am!!!! AARRGGHHH!
I’m having 2nd thoughts. Maybe in an effort to look like a good parent I should warn them about the impending “trickery”? OR maybe it’s not me, maybe it’s them and they should be grounded for answering the door when I’ve told them several times not to!! OR maybe it will teach them a lesson and scare them just enough that they’ll never do it again??!!
OR, maybe they will NOT answer the door and I will get to keep my “Mother of the Year” award………..we shall see.
